Maybell XI

[Maybell]

Is it possible to avoid talking to him anymore? S6 wanted to talk to him today. When he was done he handed me the phone and I had to talk to H. He's out seeing the sights. Didn't ask if things are ok here or anything.

I know not to expect this but it HURTS to be so utterly disregarded. He doesn't care at all about dumping this all on me and going off to have fun in a city I'd like to visit. And yes, I know he's having fun, he's off sight-seeing, he told me what he was doing.

I am struggling not to hate him and beginning to lose the fight. But then again, I'm crying... So obviously I'm hurt and disappointed as well. Is it so much to ask that my HUSBAND should at least appreciate everything I'm doing here? I think I am starting to hate him. He is so selfish.

I tried a ALL the 5LL on him during the beg&plead period and for a long time before. He told me none of it was important because HE didn't need people to feed him. Nothing I do touches him. So why do I try?

I believe his saying he wanted to spend time with me was just a selfish ploy to make him feel better and nothing at all to do with caring about me. Which HURTS.

How do I harden my heart against him? I do not want to live like this any longer.

Spending today letting the kids recharge while I catch up loads and loads of laundry and get the house ready for the coming week. I'm taking the kids out to a new restaurant for dinner. Basically, I'm spending today being a grown-up.

I deserve to be loved by a partner who thinks I'm worth getting excited about. I AM worth getting excited about. Eight friends yesterday made me feel cared for. He is not right about me. I am worthy of love and care.