Slowly switching gears

[Anders]

Thanks 25years for coming by and for your honest and very insightful thoughts on my situation. Just getting back to the board today after a busy week with work transition.

You are absolutely right. I own a very big part of all of this. And I am struggling to find a way to help us out of this without pushing her even further away.

I had been going back and forth on my approach so far. Most voices both on the board and offline had been advocating for giving her space and time. Since May, I have been projecting that though I do not want us to end that I am okay with what she ultimately decides. This was with the intent not to pursue and push her further away.

I have been initiating contact a bit more, picking up on the increased communication from her since July but still being very cautious about it. But no overt talks about our situation, reconciliation or divorce.

***SO what are YOU DOING Differently so you two do't get here again and can you commit to a marriage in which you both share a home? IF NOT< then this is a set up for failure.***

In the last few weeks, I have been reflecting on this and feel that the right thing to do at this point in time would be to call her and have the reconciliation talk honestly. I was actually planning to do so tonight and came on the board to get perspective on this when I read your note.

I have tried to keep every interaction we have had as positive and upbeat as possible without pursuing her in the slightest. My goal was to try and re-create a safe enough space for us to talk openly again without hiding behind the screen of logistics discussions on finances.

But most important and the most challenging work has been addressing my own fears instead of running away every time. She doesn't feel safe with me and this is a big part of it.