OK, I get it. I actually am glad for the 4x8. Like I said in my first post about this "I made the mistake of talking to....". I understand that those guys just don't know what they are talking about, have no idea about what is really happening or what is the right thing to do. BUT...sometimes when you have people who actually seem to care pushing you, while at the same time things just aren't getting ANY better (worse in some ways) no matter what I seem to do, you start to question whether you're doing the right thing. And they were very insistent, played on my already hurt ego (just like you said). This is why I HAD to run it by everyone here. When what they were saying started to make sense to me the better part of me didn't agree!
Well, I guess that is what this board is for. It's just that sometimes, when things just don't change, only seem to get worse, even things that you never would thought you would do or think start to make sense. That's when you start to question yourself. I've tried so hard to be decent, understanding of why my W is doing the things she is, to keep the damage to my girls to a min. while my W just mows anyone down that stands in her way. It's just that she NEVER seems to give me a break, a chance to make some forward progress. Every time that I start to think that maybe things will get better, she does something new to knock me back again. Maybe I got a little punch drunk!
Thanks everyone. You are right I am better than this. Hey, it could have been worse, I could have just taken their "advice" and ran with it. Of course if I had done that, I would have felt like I had stooped to my W's level of selfishness. Impossible unless you are in "crisis" because unless you are, the guilt will eat you up alive! Funny how badly I feel for just thinking about doing something like this, can you imagine how an MLCer must feel once they leave the tunnel and actually see the damage they have caused? Kind of gives one a taste of why it is hard for them to deal with the guilt. The amount of shame that they feel must be incredible!
Thanks again everyone! I'm so glad you all were there to bring me back down to earth BEFORE I did something I REALLY would have regretted. You are all the best!
