Maybell X

[Maybell]

Kids today wanted an at-home day. They'll be in pjs on electronics for a couple of hours and I'm choosing my next book. Wine night with the ladies last night and church tomorrow. One of the ladies last night is a single mom who goes to the church we've been visiting. She's very friendly and I'm looking forward to getting to know her. She invited me to a book club too. Is it weird to say it's nice to feel pursued?

Nothing from H, except I told him to stay out of the house unless we'd agreed first. He did offer to make me a key to his apartment.

I'm sure I'm doing everything wrong. When I changed my signature to say "8/13-4/14 beg&plead" I realized how badly I'd treated myself and for HOW LONG I trampled on myself. Not to speak of how I trampled him. I suppose I'm overcompensating now. I know I'm supposed to be light & breezy, and I did try on Monday. I was going to follow that with a but, which I know undoes every good thing that comes before it. So I won't.

In talking to my friend last night about his parents' divorce, I asked him what I could do to make all this easier on the kids. His answers were:

1) talk to the kids and explain what's going on as best I can. The worst is not knowing what's happening.

2) give them the opportunity to talk to me (and H, but I can't control that), and don't delegate it to a counselor. If they need additional counseling that's fine, but they don't want to share their fears with a stranger, they want to share with the people who love them. Basically, be emotionally available.

3) friend said seeing his dad every two weeks was not enough, that he turned to other male adults to fill that role, and that got him into trouble, because at 13 your judgment about a good father figure isn't there. So part of my job, if H can't meet his responsibilities to the kids, is to make sure there are people in their lives who will fill that role responsibly.

I am friends equally with both this dad and his wife. I get together with them separately and together. Their marriage is a struggle for them and yet separately their love and commitment to each other shines out blindingly at me. I wish they could see and hear from each other what I see and hear. Maybe it would help.

That makes me think about my marriage and how I would see things if I could have had better perspective. It makes the idea of detaching make more sense.

New goal: become a better listener.

And as far as self-care, I slept better last night, so that's one thing. And I commit to a home manicure-pedicure tonight.