I actually wondered if it was phrased funny. Ok, then only one major bad there. The Enemy thing. We're you hard on him during the M? Like always on his case? Or always pushing to have your way (the controlling thing)? If so, that may be how/why he feels that way.

We're you his biggest cheerleader, or rain on his parades? Somehow you have to show him that you're on his side. I've got a similar hill to climb as well. I have to show my W that I'm 100% in her corner in regards to my family. It's a process.

It's funny that a turning point for you was when you saw him sad. After my bad months of May and June where I tried to fall out if love w/ my W (having not been here and thinking it was game over), when she'd busted my brief EA and was hurt, I actually saw an emotion other than anger for the first time since BD. That's when I realized I was still in love and was going down without a fight.

So yeah, I get how knowing your H is sad makes it easier...you feel less discarded

So yeah, focus you intentions on showing that you're on his side...your actions will follow.

Act (and believe) as if you are teammates/partners/allies instead of enemies/adversaries. Immediately end any and all score keeping. Know that the love you show him is good for you too and the points go up on both sides of the scoreboard.

Keep up the good work and remember to listen closely to any complaints your H has.

Me: 34 W:33
T: 10 M: 6
S: 6 D: 5
BD: 5/14
Still together(ish)
Not giving up: 7/14
D talk has slowed, a lot.
Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms.
Slow and Steady wins the race.