I think it is more about them having their 'own' stuff or 'new' stuff to go with their new life. I know my W just bought a new tv (among other things) when we have 3 nice new tvs from our old place sitting in the garage here. And these are big ones, 3D ones...not like I am trying to pawn off old black and white tvs with knobs on them.
Exactly. She bought a new bed even though she could have taken ours and I could sleep on our nice air mattress. This was after we were in financial trouble due to all of the house updates, her new apartment bills, etc. I actually confronted her about it and she said, "I just want my own stuff for once." Fighting myself to give her as much space as I can. Right now I'm debating on sending her a really cute picture I just took of D2 at daycare. I got there to sit with her during lunch and she was wearing a surgeon's cap from their dress-up area. Teacher said she'd been wearing it all day. But I'm trying to see how long I can go with no contact from me, so I'm not sending it. I'll show it to her when we're around each other next.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Ss, so HERE'S where your thread is....found you . You're going to like the book, if it's the same one "The Solo Partner." I think you and I have a lot in common in our sitches...
My h bought new eyeglasses....now hates them. New shoes, hates them. New jeans, new shirts he never would have worn, coffee maker, other household things that are just plain weird.... Yeah, new life, new stuff.
Oh, right before S, he bought himself a brand new truck. How lovely.
It's just bizarre the way they need to rid themselves of everything that may identify with their old selves. Like a snake that's molting.... Ew.
Yep, my lovely thread where I postulate over minutiae in the hopes that my situation will change.
Amazon says my book was delivered today but it's not here. I'm bummed. I'm hoping the tracking info is incorrect.
H just called to talk to D7 and find out about her spelling/vocab test and she was so excited to tell him that she earned her red stripe in karate today. I love listening to her explain to him on the phone what she had to do to earn her stripes and I can hear him yelling with excitement and pride through the phone. It makes my heart swell.
He asked to talk to me which was surprising given that he's been super short via text the past two days ("dropped her bag off at the door" or whatever). He saw that we were planning on hitting the beach on Sunday (we share an ical for D7's appointments, etc) and he asked if it would be ok for him to come, that he'd love to see "her" meaning D7 (he's very careful about clarifying lest I think he actually wants to see me). At first I almost said, "no, I think we'll do this one solo" but that would be punitive because I DO want him to come. I told him we'd love to have him and would he rather meet us there or come to the house and we'll go together. He said, "I'd like to come, to come and I'll pick you up at the house if that's ok." So, there's that. It doesn't seem these little family visits do much though. I love that he wants to see D7 but I don't think there's much more to it at all.
Oh well. I'm trying to get to a point where it doesn't matter.
Ss you have to use these times to let him remember what it is like being a family. That was number one on my list for my W. She had separated herself from he family and isolated herself. I hate most of the things she watches on tv because she watches the same things over and over but I'm spending time with her and we start talking again and that's reconnecting. You have to find a way to reconnect with you H.
Good luck with the beach trip (wish I lived near one!). Try your best to be happy and serene with your H around. If you have trouble letting go of your worries and anxiety, try to focus on the trip as an isolated event - don't think about whether or not it's a stepping stone towards reconciliation. It's a day at the beach with your family. Enjoy it as such
Last edited by Card29; 09/06/1402:53 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Hi Ss, I think that is awesome news that he wants to go along to the beach. And I think he wants to spend time with you. Of course how would I know but it just sounds like a bit of an excuse.
So enjoy it! Wear your sexiest swimsuit and have him rub sunscreen on your back!
All 3 of the above gave great advice. Don't forget to drop a compliment or two, and ooh, sunscreen, there's a physical touch freebie!
Knock him dead!
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
I'll definitely do compliments but I don't want to lay it on as thick as I did last time. He retreated big time after that.
Sunscreen these days comes in a spray and H prefers those much more to anything else so there'll be no touching.
Being as dark as I can be, sort of following his lead. When he's chatty I'm chatty (though he doesn't ask a single question), when he withdraws I just let him go into the silence.
I sure could use some signs of encouragement from him though. I feel like I'm slowly drowning.
He initiated this. Act as if your interaction will be well received.
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
Just got off the phone with H after he spoke D7 before she went to bed.
We're supposed to go to the beach tomorrow at 12:30.
Here's how it went:
H: I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk to me about anything about tomorrow.
Me: Well, we have to be there at 12:30 to meet everyone so what time should we leave do you think? And what time do you want to come over?
H: We can leave at 12:00 and I'll come with some waters and drinks and some snacks and stuff.
Me: Um, ok. Well will you have eaten or do you want to eat here or do you want to eat at the beach? I've got most of D7's snacks and a ton of fruit here so don't feel like you need to bring anything in that department.
H: How about I bring D7 some [insert local food place]. she can eat right before we leave. I'll be by at 11:00
Me: ok. That sounds good. Thank you.
H: Yeah. Ok. See you at 11.
Great convo, no?
I don't know what I wanted but jeez. Am I supposed to bring him a towel? Why was he acting like I just had to show up and he would bring everything for D7 like without his presence we'd be lost on the beach. Oy. I'm making nothing into something silly, I know, but I have nothing to go on. EVER.
He was distant on the phone. Never asks anything. He only wants to come to the beach for D7 which is nice but what about ME?!
I'd almost rather go to the beach without him because then it'll be fun for D7 and I rather than me having to feel him out the whole time.
. You're going to like the book, if it's the same one "The Solo Partner." I think you and I have a lot in common in our sitches... 