OK, so I made the mistake of talking to my boss and someone from work about my sitch. This is what I got.... When my D14 calls to ask to pick her up to take her to school, instead of doing it, I should tell her I'm sorry but I just can't. This way she gets to really see how living with my W feels. See that her mother wants her there but isn't willing to do the same things I am (like make sure she has a ride to school in the AM and in PM). Right now because I am willing to do these kind of things for her even when she's with her mom, she will think that as long as she stays with her mom, she will have the best of both worlds..her dad when she needs me and her mom when she's "willing". When she stays with me her mom won't EVER come and pick her up from school or really have anything to do at all with her. D14 might just think that by staying with her mom, she will be better off. This is starting to make sense to me.
Of course with the last 2 weeks being the start of school for her I feel I was more than right since my D14 was so upset and feeling so lonely and having to walk to the place she really hated going, that was just too much more pressure put on her! But now I will have her for the first time since she is at this new school. She will be able to see how living with me feels as she will have a ride to and from school every day, I will be there to help with homework, hang out with her, spend time with her, etc. Things she doesn't get from her mother.
At the same time what these people are saying makes sense as well. I really wish I hadn't let my W put her into this school. I should have fought harder to put her into a school closer to me and where she would need to step up for her D14. As it stands right now, my W knows that D will call me and I will come to her aid. Of course I didn't know D14 would be walking to school as my W said there was a bus!
Now these guys are telling me that I shouldn't even let my W in the house, that I need to get a "war" state of mind, stop letting her get away with the stuff she is doing. That if I don't "fight" for what I deserve I won't get it, etc. They have no idea about the DB principals or the fact that as we all know, all that attitude will get me is more crazy from my W! They also are saying that my W is probably telling my D14 that if she ever decides to say to the court that she wants to live with me more than her mother that W will just push her out of her life, that she will be so very hurt, etc. At this point I know that my W is taking her cues from her a$$hat father who is an a#1 manipulator and sociopath, so I now wouldn't put ANYTHING past her. Instead of her getting more agreeable since she left, she has become more and more selfish and uncaring about anything at all that I'm going through. She hasn't a single care about what I'm going through, that I know.
What do some of you vets out there think about me needing to show my D14 what being with her mom is really going to be like? If I ever do get a different job I may not have the flexibility to do these things and D14 needs to understand that she can't always count on my being able to take up the slack for her mom when she stays with her. At only 14 can she really see that her mom is being uncaring and selfish towards her? I know how hurt D14 has been over the last few years because her mother wouldn't do anything with her or as a family and I know how badly she has wanted her mothers attention and approval. All she has to do is give her SOME attention and tie that to D14 doing what W wants her too and I can see my D eating it up and doing whatever she needs to keep getting that attention and approval. I had hoped my W wouldn't stoop that low but at this point I can't trust that she hasn't already started doing just this!
