Amoeba Whisperer: "Stay in your OWN Petrie Dish!"

[GoatGal]

kml---- Hang onto that one. He sounds like a keeper!


Shining---Feel free to share some of your rays of light here anytime!

Bright---I love dogs--cats too--but you can't beat a dog for devotion. On the other hand, I do have a few who would leave me for anyone with a Cheez-Doodle!

daring---I know that GUBU doesn't like being "alone" alone.
He's never even lived alone, whereas I have.
He's good here with the animals and lots of things to keep him busy. He has a really hard time with just "being". He can't be still, is uncomfortable in his own skin.
That's gotten progressively worse over the years.
Now he's in constant motion.
To me observing, (forgetting who he is for a moment) I'd say there is a lot of anxiety there.
I've worked in the mental health field long enough to pick up on that.
And the depression, of course.
However you slice it, this is NOT someone who is happy and making good decisions about his future.

You can take me out of the equation---and I pretty much have--and SURPRISE!
His 'problems' have not been solved with that action.

You and I, and hopefully his therapist, can see that he's trying to fill that "Serotonin/endorphine/dopamine/oxytocin "HOLE" with distractions,
(OW, alcohol, porn, online flirting, constant motion, excitement of A, thrill-seeking/rush behavior, etc.)

It's not working for him and I do hope that one day he will finally do the work to deal with his problems.
For himself, not for me or for us.
If there is still an "us" at the end of that, that's just a bonus.

job---Yes. Enough about him! I do feel the need to respond to questions/statements about his behavior.
When I'm not on here I rarely think about him. At least this week.

That comes and goes with his behavior to some degree. But I find I'm less invested in the outcome and more interested in how I can handle (MANIPULATE!) things to go in the direction I want.

It's like trying out a new skill. I'm "practicing" on him; training and shaping his behavior, at least with me on a basic level.
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But here's how I'm doing:

I started taking Trazedone to help with sleep and now that I'm up to 3/4 of the recommended dose, it's working VERY well for me. That's such a relief.

I only wake maybe, once a night, with some dog thing.
I still have vivid dreams, but not unpleasant ones.
I don't wake up feeling anxious and wanting to vomit.
(That was pretty much every day before this med. I would "remember" and it would all come flooding back.)
It has a general calming/antihistamine type effect, appears to improve my appetite, or has a carry-over effect of lessening any anxiety I might feel during the day.

I do feel a bit "dopey" in the morning, but it beats the heck out of feeling stressed and nauseous.

Although I don't like the idea of taking medications to "cope", I realized that at this time, it is a real benefit for me to do so.

I just feel calmer. More and better sleep helps with that as well. So it's good all around.
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As for GAL plans, admit it!
You all want know what crazy stuff I'm getting up to this weekend, right?

Tonight I'm going to a "First Friday" Art Crawl in a nearby city.
There is a swing dance afterwards where I will meet up with friends until midnight or so.
I'm trying to find a friend or three to meet me for dinner beforehand and take advantage of some of the interesting restaurants near the dance venue.
GUBU plans to stay here as usual. On the couch.

Saturday I'm taking my kooky Chinese Crested/Beagle mix back to the SPCA where I got him. He has a fan club and the staff there really want to see him again.
This is something GUBU and I did together. I was just going to do it alone; he will see this since he'll be here.
If he seems interested I'll see if I feel like inviting him along, fully expecting him to say "No.". Either way is fine with me.
While I'm there I'm getting tickets for their fundraising event "Woof and Wine", held at a local winery. That's next weekend. Again, something GUBU and I would have done together, but I'm planning on either going alone or finding a friend. So I think I'll get two tickets and just consider the second to be a "donation" if I can't find someone to come along.
I am fine going to these things by myself, although this is an area where everyone will be asking about GUBU. I've just left it as "he's REALLY busy", and changed the subject.
I'll be bringing a dog, so I do have a "date"!

Saturday and Sunday we will probably be doing burials, cutting toenails. I'm just going to be "busy" running errands, etc. the details of which I will keep to myself.

This Saturday night I may have another "porch party" or find a local event to go to.
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Next week is also "Girls Night", a sleepover pajama party (I know, I know--it's FUN!)
at a new girlfriend's house. I met some great women there last time and this time around I've invited two new cool ladies I met and I do hope they come.


I've basically got plans for every weekend and quite a few weeknights.
Some are with friends, some with new groups, and some on my own but surrounded by people. Who I do interact with, because I'm a friendly sort.

I take myself out for lunch, go to art openings, shop organic at the farmer's market, try exotic foods at the various stands, and I have a new dance class next week with friends (intensive master's level for me).

I am doing another open mic next week (or following), plus I have the live blues jam on Thursdays if I'm up to it.
I'm singing with a live blues band at a dance at the end of the month too.
I'm getting a new bike helmet since not finding my old one is holding me back from riding at the moment.
I've contacted the local Hiking Club and may do that within the next few months. It's a more mature crowd, and it would be nice not the be the oldest for a change!

My best friend is talking about planning a trip to hike the Inca Trail next year, with guides, and camping, and about five other vibrant ladies.
I might be able to swing that--we shall see!

I've let people know I'm open for anything and the offers keep coming.
My heart and mind and soul are flung wide open...who knows what the future will bring?

And in all that, I didn't even think to mention that tomorrow would be my 23rd wedding anniversary.

Hardly a blip on my emotional radar.

That's interesting.

Have a great day, Y'all!

---GGG