Here's another question: Is divorce incrementally more hurtful to kids than having your father go off the deep end and leave the family? If the worst that can happen is for him to leave then is divorce worse?
I'm not sure why I'm asking this. If we divorce we will have to sell the house and move and that will add hurt to the kids, not only in losing their home but also in the gravity and finality of the action. So yes, divorce is then incrementally worse for all five of us.
H has been staying out till 1:30 or later every night this week, including the night of the day he flew in on the redeye. I know this because of when he calls the kids. Last night he didn't call or text and said it was because his phone battery died. Which is maybe the second time in the last five years that has happened. It was almost two his time when he texted me that.
I'm beginning to worry that his behavior is getting so bad that he could eventually lose his job. So I'm revisiting the idea of the legal separation, because that would transfer sizable resources into my sole custody and protect them in the event he does go the rest of the way off the deep end. I looked at the draft the lawyer sent me and there is an option that would keep me in the house in the meantime, and if the worst did happen, his share of the assets would cover the house payments & maintenance until I could sell it in the spring. But I don't think he'd lose his job that quickly unless he's doing a lot more than I suspect.
No, I haven't discussed this with him. Frankly, I don't trust him to be honest with me. But I thought I'd sound it out here first and see what the clearer perspectives might say.
I never in my wildest dreams expected to be in this pickle.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
