Letting go

[Cnfused]

Starsky,

Yes I do have my own attorney. Mediation next week is for spousal/child support. W atty wants lifetime spousal support and a larger amount than my atty thinks it should be and certainly not for life. My atty is thinking 2-4 years is reasonable. I just want to do what's best for son and me now. Final court dates scheduled for December - so still time to DB but the clock is running.

W got upset when I stopped putting all my pay into joint account but it didn't matter what I'd deposit it would be gone and our homes are paid for and I make a decent living. She would buy furnishings for the the house and I asked her to stop - now was not the time to be doing that based on our stitch. The final straw was the mannequin she purchased and dressed it in Bahamian garb and had it in the kitchen/family room. I now have some savings which I know half is hers but at least I have something. W atty wants me to pay for mine and her atty fees - not sure why a judge would agree to that but I guess I find out. Some of this is just nuts.

Atty says I can stay at M home or move to lake house and it won't make a difference as far a property settlement. W asked me to move there and we would try and reconcile. I said as long as there is OM we cannot work on R and I am staying in M home to spend as much time with son as possible. She said that is confusing to S after I told him we were separating. When I detach and take S with me she wants to be a part of it. She has her time with S when I'm working and I take him to the lake with me on my days off.

It is difficult to go dark while living together. I'm ready for LRT and willing to accept whatever direction she wants to go. One week is W can't do this to S and the next is her 180. How do they get so conflicted?

She is so internally conflicted by her choices. I'm so glad I've read the books and continue to do the work on myself that I can look back on my M and know I've done what I could to make it work. I understand it may never be enough for her - but God knows I've tried.

It seems her biggest concern is "IDLY and haven't for a long time" and I don't have any passion for you. I listen and try to understand, but also feel you can't get anything out of R unless you are willing to put something in.

Do you think I should move to the lake to go dark? I told her already if she need space she needs to go. She has been sleeping in guest room since Jan '14.

I rarely text or call unless it has something to do with son. She works at christian school and believe she has tried to keep D and OM under the radar. Hasn't said a word about D to her mom - both dads our are deceased - but think her mom knows something isn't quite right because w has went 1500 miles away to Xyz on vacation 4 times without son or me since the first of the year.

I don't want the person she has become and hoping she comes out from the fog before it's past the point of no return... and there are days that seems closer.

Thanks for your response and any advice!