Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Long week. Met with lawyer, which was a surreal experience. Lots of those right now. Sometimes I feel ok like I have accepted the reality of what is going on. Then an hour later I can't believe this is really happening and it is terrifying and sickening. I think the worst moment is always when I wake up in the morning, there is a strange wave of doom and terror that floods over me, and a cold sweat.

Talks with the wife over D details are very cordial and productive. Hopefully we will get a lot of the details agreed to with out the lawyers having to help.

We are working together at deciding which of our furniture I will take, she is also helping me find good used furniture on the neighborhood computer boards. She is taking an Interest because she wants the kids to be comfortable there I suppose. Storing it in the garage for now. 3-bedroom apartment will be ready for mov-in at end of month. It is weird, I am glad we are working productively together on the D, even tho the D is the last thing In the world want. Part of me is being friendly and accepting the D, the other part is saying NO NO NO.

I should be happy that she is not crazy or mean. But in some ways it is harder when she is so calm and decided. No second thoughts there, at least that I can mind read.

We have t told the kids yet, I imagine that will be in the next couple weeks. Dreading that.

Having trouble sleeping, got a prescription. Helps a little but not much. Nest time I go to the gym I will be curious to see how much weight I have lost. Little appetite.

At this point I probably spend as much time mentally panicking about work as about the D. Still in the dark about what my employer wants to do about my department since my boss left. I have a lot of obsessive negative visions about being unemployed, living under a bridge. I am good at that type of stinking thinking. But I am doing what I can to protect current job, and starting to poke around for other options as well. So hard to exert energy of that work stuff when the D stuff has me so tired and down. God really seems to be throwing it all at me at one time.

Really finding it a challenge to get ready to take over my own finances. Been letting my wife handle everything for over a decade.