Amoeba Whisperer: "Stay in your OWN Petrie Dish!"

[GoatGal]

OK--Time for some clarity:

Re: kml
"Internet dating sites like Match, etc do NOT show up as "internet dating and escort services."
Escort services = prostitution. He's not online dating, he's hiring hookers."


Well, I should say that the charge came up as "OurTime.com" (50+ dating)
It was only in the online account "description" of the charge category where it listed it as "dating and escort services"
It was only for $89.95, which is the six month "discount" price.
If he's buying six months worth of hookers for $89.95, they must be pretty skanky!
He does have a profile on there because I saw it.
He says he's looking for "a serious relationship". Not even "casual".
That's....um...interesting.

As for hookers/escorts, I could see that as a possibility down the road, but since he's not spending any money or time on it, (I'm pretty sure I'd know), it's unlikely at this point.
Maybe when he gets too old and decrepit to think he's going to catch any fancy fish on his charm alone, I could see him turning to professionals to get his "needs met."

(And I will be LONG gone!)

At the moment at least, it seems he fancies himself a real catch and his ego would not let him go there. "Paying for it" is something losers do.
Since OW, he thinks he's a stud (unless you add in the Viagra!) and that it's just ME that caused his inadequacy.

His dating profile essentially says that "with the RIGHT person" he'll be an incredible lover and a completely evolved, perfect person.
Sure he will.

However, we are not sleeping together and will not until many things are rectified, like our R, a full panel STD test which is non-negotiable, so no worries there.

I wouldn't even let him kiss me right now, much less get naked!
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re: job:

"Is your h generally passive-aggressive?"

HAH!!!! IS he? That's an understatement!

"Many times, a PA person will do things so that we find out what they are doing. For example, your h is having the bills come to your residence because he does recognize that you will open them and he wants you to see what he's been charging. I don't think he's embarrassed by you finding out about these charges at all. He appears not to care that you know what he's charged.
It could be his way of telling you and is hoping that you'll get angry and say something to him about it. Hence, giving him justification for why he left."


job,

Although the idea that me getting upset about my HUSBAND looking for a serious relationship online WHILE WE ARE STILL MARRIED would be fuel for him saying how "crazy" I am to justify his leaving is almost too wacky to be believed, it could well be true!
Just like me getting upset about OW and still being upset a few weeks after he
"ended it" also points to a sort of mental illness.

No doubt this plays into it somewhat, if in fact it was intentional and not a late-night, lonely, and drunk foray into online dating.

When he hit "buy now to see your matches" he might have immediately regretted it.

But who knows. And who cares?

But yes.
The first time I ever heard the expression "Passive Aggressive" was out of HIS mouth when he was in therapy back before we got married.
I never put that together until recently.

He's not a "psychologically interested type" so that fact that he threw that out in 1990 makes me wonder if his therapist at that time called him on it.

Over the years, it's gotten worse and worse.
He doesn't say what he means, he is deliberately vague and sabotaging, acts as if he "forgot" or "didn't hear/understand", refuses to say what he means, and has two modes:

1. Pretend everything is fine, harbor lots of resentment secretly and take it out on me in subtle ways that I don't understand, like blaming, confusing the issue, changing the subject, avoiding me, being curt, expecting me to read his mind, etc.

2. Try to be "assertive"-- which usually means getting angry, and just saying "NO!!!" Pitching a fit, again with the blaming and confusion.

But there is a third option, which is to develop the people skills to actually address problems and disagreements by discussing them, and cooperating and compromising.

That is a skill he appears to lack, or at least he's no longer using it.


---GGG