Maybell, I remember when my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. It was a HUGE deal for my mom, who cried most of the day, not because of the monumental landmark of 25 years of marriage but because she was FINALLY married more years than times she'd moved while married. Can you believe that? And they were big moves. Philadelphia to Saudi Arabia, then moved 4 times while we lived in Saudi Arabia. Then from Saudi Arabia to San Diego (when the moving truck rolled and caught on fire and lost every single thing to their names)... all of these moves with three children under 5 years old and no, my father was not in the military.
Moving is HELL. Moving a lot is horrid. I watched how hard it was on my mom. ((((hugs))))
Sigh. My parents are apparently not speaking to me. My dad rarely talks to me on the phone but my mom has been dodging my calls. I suppose it's over H but don't know. My dad texted me today that my mom had had a small procedure done. When I called to ask about it he told me and then basically rushed me off the phone. Sounded displeased. Not sure what I'm supposed to do about it. My brothers are all ok with me.
I just can't win.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I found out what it is. Apparently they didn't like me asking my mom to take down her FB post about how a real man treats his wife. It mentioned cheating in the middle of it. My in-laws don't know much, if anything about what's going on with us and they and my H are all connected to my mom on FB. She's been wanting to give them all her thoughts on his behavior and I felt like it was too pointed to be good for my situation.
My dad refused to discuss it with me and basically hung up in me. I tried to dig deeper and find out why exactly THAT upset them and he hung up on me.
I do not understand. I was polite. I walked her through it. I was upset, for cause. Do I not get to have my own feelings here?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Might I suggest you reread so much of the help you give to others, too? You are so wise behind your years and your grace shines through, more than you know I think. You give so much of yourself to many of us here and provide a sense of grounding and support and I'm not sure you realize it. You see so clearly others' positives and are so good at rooting for people. Your kind and gentle spirit permeates every word you write.
Maybell, Please read your kind and generous words to others, and think how you would respond if someone else wrote what you just wrote. What would you say to them? I understand the tendency to be harder on oneself than others... but this statement from you worries me.
I must be a horrible person in real life if the people closest to me keep walking away from me.
Don't you dare, sister.
Don't you flipping dare.
I know how you feel, because like you, I am going through pretty major crap with my parents while also going through this with my H. It stinks.
Having spent my whole life living in a "this'll do...it's okay...this is good enough," place, I'm learning that I didn't know how to use words to say "This is a little uncomfortable," "I don't like this," or "I don't want to do this."
That's a big thing to unlearn. And learning how to say those things is going to STINK. Especially to the people that I love the most, who happen to be some of the people who have hurt me the most.
Won't this be fun? No. It won't be. BUT - I hope to come out a stronger and better person for it. AND I hope to show my kids some MUCH HEALTHIER AND BETTER RELATIONSHIP TECHNIQUES!
You are not a horrible person, Maybell. You are wonderful and wise and kind.
