And just in case you think that we have a Polyanna type D, I need to negate that. We had a lot of crappy stuff to deal with along the way, but over time it became more good rather than more unpleasant. Much of it was because I had to keep steering things back to pleasant.
I'm not here to say he wasn't an a*hole. He was. I had to deal with his passive aggressive nature and his insatiable need to point out my flaws whenever he felt he needed to purge. And because I'm me, initially I chose to defend myself or point out his flaws instead. It backfired on me and just didn't work.
Now we can just call each other on the BS. And that happens regularly. He gets snarky with me, and I get snarky with him. It's all in how we come back after that that makes it okay again. In the end, I need him to co-parent with me. Our D17 is developmentally disabled, and I have to parent with him as long as she's alive. It's to my benefit to create a good R. Just in case you think I'm some sort of freak...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
It backfired on me and just didn't work.