I don't think you have to date to let go. I think that's not even on the list of things necessary for letting go, not that I really know anything about letting go.
You said this:
I don't feel like there is any co-parenting happening. H is MIA except when he calls the kids or when he has them for the weekend. He (has always) delegated all decision-making and discipline to me. When I asked him in the past about strategies for dealing with kid stuff he always either rubber-stamped my suggestions without thinking about them or said he didn't know how to deal with whatever it was and left it at that. So co-parenting is really not an issue to me.
My H delegated all decision making and discipline and homework and appointments and well, everything to me, too. Occasionally he'd criticize me after the fact and it killed me. Things have changed here since BD and he's really stepped up and I'm glad for that but I had to make changes here too.
I had to start saying, "I trust you to handle this." and then walk away. Even if he did it "wrong" I let it stand and you know what? He figured it out. He figured out that criticizing constantly and yelling didn't get the results he thought it would. He figured out that hounding didn't work either. He figured out how to parent and still build a relationship with our D7. I empowered him by simply leaving him to do it. Have you thought about trying something like that. Don't be his "parenting helper". You're not the enforcer. What is with some of these men and parenting? God forbid they pick up a book or look into it a little.
The house thing makes things complicated. I'll have to think about that one.
I think it's only natural to say, "you don't want to be here so I don't want to be here". It's hard to do all this work AND let go AND detach AND accept all these changes to our lives and our kids lives AND deal with continual mistreatment from our spouses. Let's face it, it's more than HARD. It's impossible but we're doing it. One day at a time, Maybell.
In the end, this is about YOU and what YOU want. If it's not him, that's ok. If it is him, that's ok, too. The work you're doing is the same either way.
Ugh, who am I to suggest anything to you? I'm over here spinning out of control over a freaking text telling myself "It's just a text. Juuuust a text."
Maybe we both just need to breathe. Breathe and take a trip to Hawaii. You book the flight, I'll book the rooms?
