How about revisiting letting go? I don't think you've ever gotten to that point.

Take the ring off, decide you're in the waiting period so you'll wait, but live your life.

Don't have dates with him, talk about only the kids, when you start to wonder or worry about him, stop. Move your mind to something that's about you. Don't worry about lists of ways he would have to change in order for you to want to be in R with him. Don't worry about if you'll have a R where you can smile and be comfortable around each other.

Sometimes we have to really step back and give space for anything to happen. We need perspective.

Let go.

Have you read any of Underdog's posts? She's a "vet", been divorced for quite awhile and she and her x have created a friendly parenting R but not without struggles along the way.

She's active over in Surviving the Big D.

You're getting through this, it just doesn't feel like it to you.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss