hi dawgy -- sounds so terrible -- the sleeping in the same bed thing is really tough, and it was for me (23 years give or take waking up just knowing she was ok). As I got used to it, though, I realized that I had placed too much emphasis on it right after BD as a sign that she no longer cared about me. I do not think this is the case anymore. I think in some ways the marital bed is a reminder of someone who really DOES care and this is why it ends up as central in the W's or H's crisis. I told my kids that my moving to an apartment (in our home) so mommy could have time alone was an act of love, and a display of my dedication to her feelings. We handled the conversation with the kids by using the marital bed as a touchstone -- saying "has it felt weird to see mommy and daddy not in the same room, in the same bed? We want to talk to you about that." The conversation was incredible -- all five of us together, as one family, supporting each other -- my W and me displaying what love really is -- dedication, sacrifice. Dawgy, after we told the kids (this was the biggest deal for me for many reasons, not the least of which being my W's past and its role in our present), I was in a much, much better place -- I did not want to tell them, she did, and she was right --- let her go, Dawgy, and then show her a path back to real love and dedication and family
