More confused than ever

[KGirl]

TO - I'm a little late to this particular topic, but with regard to financials, once you get there, I think there's a place between joint everything and separate everything. Maybe this is what you did and I misread, but many couples will have joint accounts for all joint expenses (kids, food, housing, family vacations, etc.) and contribute monthly/weekly based on incomes to that account to cover those expenses or savings. Whoever makes more contributes more proportionately. Then whats left can go in an individual account for personal expenses (lunch out with friends, manicure, shopping for fun - basically your "fun" money) that you can spend however you want. Joint spending has to be mutually agreed upon. H and I had a rule that if it was a joint expenditure over $100 (say I saw a cute chair for the living room and wanted to get it) that we had to confirm with the other person, otherwise smaller things we did not have to check on. Having clearly defined joint money but also your own personal stash would give you some security and transparency, hopefully.