Thank you so much Wonka, Ss and LT! These were my thoughts (doing this for D, not W) exactly. Sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in the MLC craziness. It's almost like being sucked into their selfish world where everything starts to be about THEM. I see her not being the parent she ought to be and think that it's because she knows I will step up and be there for our D's when the truth is she would be doing the exact same thing whether I was able to do so or not! It's so very sad and so hard to comprehend that she has become so unbelievably selfish even when it comes to her own D!
I know it makes a difference because of how my D19 feels about things now. She recognizes that I have always been the one parent she could always count on. The one who made sure that she got picked up on time, got to go to her friends, took her to get her prom dresses, took her to her school dances and was waiting to take her home after. Just last week after her mother told her that she should come and live with her, my D19 said that she knows that her mom is too "undependable" and she just couldn't trust her to do the most basic things. So very sad that a 47 year old mother can be seen by her 19 year old D as "undependable". One of the reasons that I want the business that I'm at now to work is because it allows me the flexibility to do the things like take my D14 to school in the morning if I have to, pick her up after etc. I will say this, I know that all that my W has put me and our family through has really hurt my ability to make it work. All the drama, all the worrying about what she is doing, what is coming next, will she file or not, are my D's going to be alright, her just not telling me that she stopped putting money in the joint accounts and all the extra work it took to fix the problems that caused, on top of all the other things like the IRS audit, her just showing up at my home and taking things, heck just the normal day to day things that come up, has really taken much of my attention off of getting my business to where it should be!
I'm seeing more and more how my W's MLC that started a few years ago, has really made all of our lives (my D's and I) so much harder, so much more full of drama and strife than it ever should have been. How does she (and all of the MLCers for that matter) not see the damage they have and are causing is such a mystery to me. She was at one time a really good wife and mother. She took the girls to field trips, helped them with homework, was just THERE for them. How can she not see how she has just turned her back on them (and me) and caused them so much pain and hurt? Are her unresolved issues so painful to her that she just doesn't care or is it that she just doesn't see? No matter. It is what it is and I had better just get myself to another level of being able to do more than I ever thought I would have to. Because if I don't do the things that my D's need from their parents, they won't get it at all!
