I was doing so good

[u-turn]

Hey Dawgy,
I started light - 6'1 150 went down to 130 like a skeleton. Friends were starting to worry and I made no fuss about it. Couldn't eat and was exercising to burn out some thoughts
I'm back up to 145 - I'm not the most healthy eater but ensure, and as much comfort food as I could stomach. ice cream, hamburgers (this is not advice just what is working for me). I find that eating with my kids helps too - they are watching - always watching.

Sleep has been rough since March - falling asleep slow, waking up 3 hours later and that's it. The nightmares are what got me. I'd have vicious violent ones, humiliating ones, dreams where everyone was turning against me and encouraging her. and on and on. This ruined each day too. Talking in my sleep is/was getting at W too. It was like pursuing and begging at night too - what a wreck I was

Time and detaching has helped with this.

Along with a glass or two of wine every now and then - (again maybe not good advice but it works for me).

This forum and all of the fantastic people that I can relate to help too. I no longer feel an oddity and alone in this. It is calming to not be calm here.

[GoatGal]

Wow, u-turn, you got me beat for "Most Skinny" DBer!

Not an award you ever wanted, right?

--GGG

[u-turn]

Not bad - huh?
I have to watch out for strong winds sometimes
Getting better!

[canyou?]

it really is nice not to feel alone all the time ... I really hope that some of us will be able to share success at some point -- or share that we are healthy and strong and moving on --- you know all. I never considered food for the sake of food - "eat what makes you feel good" --- that is really good advice, better than mine for sure- just eat, dawgy -- keep your head in a good place tonight -- after a bad day, I always tell myself "I have tomorrow to try again" -- tomorrow is a great gift from god, not a penalty

[dawgy]

Shes always slept inthe same bed as me for 25 years and this week she has stopped . its terrible . Even though I know shes having an affair i still want her in our bed to sleep at night . I told her it wasnt necessary to sleep on the couch . I dont try to touch her even though i want to . Three nights now with no sleep and hardly any food . Im choking down protien bars and water

[PeterV2]

Hey Dawgy. I really feel for you.
It's been a little over a year for me that my W left our bed to sleep in the spare room. At that time I had no idea she was having an A. (Then last November she moved out and I still didn't understand. I thought she just need to have some space. Then in Dec I discovered the A.)

I was so used to sleeping with her. When she moved out of the bedroom she said it was because I snored and kept her awake. Lies.

I know this is a tough time for you. Stop thinking about it even for a few minutes if you can. Do something to occupy your mind. Spend time with the kids. Sleep. Eat.

In one way, the sooner she moves out the better. At least then you will have some space without having to look at her lying face.

[Eatsma]

I agree with Peter. Let her detach. I think she needs to get away to have the perspective that what she's leaving behind is what she really wants.

That's why you have to take care of yourself. You just be your awesome self, so when she is looking at you she realized all she has to lose.

[dawgy]

I keep struggling . She keeps taking little things away from me a bit at a time to show me Im losing the battle . Not sleeping in our bed is a huge huge blow to me and every time she does something like this it drives me back to square one .She s killing me slowly . I want to ask her to come back to our bed , just to sleep . But how do i do this with out screwing things up more than they are already

[pilot]

you DONT ask her to come back. For one, she wont, and it will just make you look weak and sad. Second, you NEED to have space of your own. By that I mean you are hanging on to things like her sleeping in your bed and putting meaning in it, when for her there is none. Whether or not she sleeps in your bed means nothing in terms of your W and her A ending, or your M getting back on track. As others have said, she needs to miss you first.

I know it is tough. I know that even when you are getting raked over the coals by your W and her A, there is still nothing more comforting than a long hug from her, or just laying there with her head on your chest. But it is not real right now dawgy, and to think it is will only keep you in the hurt zone.

Good luck buddy

[canyou?]

hi dawgy -- sounds so terrible -- the sleeping in the same bed thing is really tough, and it was for me (23 years give or take waking up just knowing she was ok). As I got used to it, though, I realized that I had placed too much emphasis on it right after BD as a sign that she no longer cared about me. I do not think this is the case anymore. I think in some ways the marital bed is a reminder of someone who really DOES care and this is why it ends up as central in the W's or H's crisis. I told my kids that my moving to an apartment (in our home) so mommy could have time alone was an act of love, and a display of my dedication to her feelings. We handled the conversation with the kids by using the marital bed as a touchstone -- saying "has it felt weird to see mommy and daddy not in the same room, in the same bed? We want to talk to you about that." The conversation was incredible -- all five of us together, as one family, supporting each other -- my W and me displaying what love really is -- dedication, sacrifice. Dawgy, after we told the kids (this was the biggest deal for me for many reasons, not the least of which being my W's past and its role in our present), I was in a much, much better place -- I did not want to tell them, she did, and she was right --- let her go, Dawgy, and then show her a path back to real love and dedication and family