• After a dinner party on Saturday night with some friends, I invited (via FB messenger) to attend a concert with me. She replied the following morning “I think probably not. But thanks for asking. I hope you’re having a good weekend.” I replied “Sure – let me know if you change your mind. I’m having good weekend thanks. Please give my regards to my little sack of potatoes [D2]”. WAW replied with one of those ‘thumbs up’ signs. I’m aware that it was a bit non-LRT to reach out with a concert request. But I wanted to ‘temperature check’ and convey in some non-threatening manner that I still like her in that way. Because I do. I think/hope the whole communication was good. I’ll go to the concert anyway and enjoy it. I might ask for a coffee in the next couple of weeks to catch-up. I’m interested in WAW’s experiences with D2 also. • After the call, WAW asked me to babysit next Thursday. She also commented on some actions a group of parents from D2’s crèche given the crèche has to relocate. These parents had sought an official information request to understand why the owner of the building made the decision. WAW’s view was that there was a risk the action could offend the owner, and so it was an action of dubious merit. She also asked ‘what do you think’ I wrote the following:
I agree with your perspective on the ‘official information request’. Yes, perhaps we now know the reasons for the decision are flimsy (even taking into account my bias perspective to keep the crèche where it is), but how does knowing that help the crèche? I can only suggest the parents wanted to (a) understand the ‘unliked’ decision and (b) through that, contest it in some rational way – so that the decision makers would come around to the ‘right’ answer. It’s an understandable, but somewhat naïve approach – it’s the owner’s decision and it’s understandable (even if imperfectly considered). As you allude (and certainly it has been a lesson for me), contesting decisions you don’t like needs to be balanced against (or considered as part of) your personal priorities and objectives for the future. Also, how you contest is really important. Politicians are perhaps more aware of this than your average person, however. Perhaps politicians have a lot of experience to see how there are no completely perfect decisions (at least someone loses from some decision), no ‘rational’ decisions either and that getting on with other people is constructive and pleasant. That said I wonder if the wars around the world suggest this is a difficult lesson indeed.
WAW replied with ‘sounds good’ and ‘thanks very much’.
I hope I don’t come across as preachy or pompous with that reply. It is what I think about it (and that subject) anyway.
So, in summary, I have had basically two good interactions with WAW and I’m grateful. The crèche is having a meeting to discuss at the end of September and I’ll attend, and I suspect WAW will, too.
• In terms of me: o I have applied for a new job in my hometown and where D2 is based. An attractive job came across my desk and it especially desirable due to being in my hometown. I don’t feel ready to leave and yet my current job isn’t going anywhere for me/has been a let down. I have felt really positive about this ‘better job in hometown’ scenario though and have resolved to be more actively looking for opportunities, and fingers crossed for this one. o I’m feeling more ‘relaxed’ about my journey and life. It’s fair to say that I feel fundamentally that this is a ‘transition’ period, but I’m increasingly alright with allowing that transition to take place at the pace it needs. I want to fix things that need fixing (if possible) rather than hope that wholesale change will make everything good by itself. I do prefer myself and am happier in my own skin than I was in December 2012. & yes it’s easier for me – no stress from work, no continuous parenting, no wife at work all the time, no in-laws. But, I also think I’d be better anyway because this life has it’s own challenges: sense of loss, sense of loneliness; pain & guilt, for example. But I don’t use resentment or anger anymore as a crutch. I force myself to try and be more genuinely empathetic, patient and kind (including to myself) and it’s like being on a holiday compared to how things were. o My sleeping could be better. I seem to either need lots of exercise or alcohol to go to sleep at night. So perhaps I’m not as relaxed as I’d hoped. Exercise still winning most of the time – less so on the weekends. o My birthday went well. A lot of comments from Facebook from people wishing me well. WAW sent me a video of D2 wishing me happy birthday when she was having her breakfast, which was adorable. Saw D2 at lunch and brought her and her class some sweets. Had a lovely evening with my mum and sister.
Best wishes to you all with your DBing!
With love and patience, nothing is impossible. Daisaku Ikeda
