WAW still at home, 3 weeks after asking for D

[bdub]

Wet, the finances are not at all a reason for the D. We both earn really good wages and live a pretty good life. We are pretty heavily invested in assets that are not real "liquid" so unwinding from that is a huge undertaking. We have multiple pieces of commercial real estate. In order for her to get the cash she deems her half of the equity, 3 of them will have to sell. Being trapped at home by that would have to be frustrating, especially since I made the financial decisions. Her parents AND my parents have both offered to loan us the money to pay off her vehicle (600 a month, 3 years no interest)so that she can afford to pay rent and I can keep the house. She has declined both offers.

I would love to put off the D process but she is full steam ahead. She needs to get out on her own, I think to prove her independence. She told me she made this huge decision to leave me, and now she is stuck at home. I hate that, but again, she has had 3 people offer to help get her unstuck.
I am no longer initiating conversations about splitting assets and working on agreeing on whats in the dissolution. I wanted to get it all on paper so we would have a "default" agreement if things get ugly when she leaves. With the OM out of the picture at least for now, there is no reason for it to get ugly. I initiated and did all the work on transferring the farm assets into a trust for the boys. I did that to cover my own *ass and to keep the family farm operation alive. Now my main concern is to make sure we still do the 50-50 parenting, and then to make sure I don't have to pay half of my salary in child support, and then to make sure I get to keep the house (3 generations in my family). In that order. Those have all been orally agreed upon but nothing is in writing. Dissolutions can be great, but they require a LOT of communication and cooperation. In my state in order for it to work both spouses have to go in front of a judge and present the paperwork and state that they agree to the terms and want to terminate the M.

Once she is out, then hopefully she will agree to a 6 month trial separation so that we can decide how to proceed with our R. If that happens, I will have basically given myself 9 months to DB, 180, and make myself a better person. My "jumping off point" is when I can rest at night knowing I gave 100% effort to save the M.