Haven't posted in a long time, I'm just so busy with the beginning of school, and the overwhelming task of de-cluttering. Stbxw was a borderline hoarder I swear...I'm on my 4th long bed load of stuff to donate, 3rd for stuff to go to the dump. But it is lightening everything in life.
Life is good. The boys are responding very well to structure, schedules, consistency...with plenty of wiggle room and freedom on non-school days/nights. Hot breakfast every school morning, family dinners on the evenings they dont spend with their Mom, with Fridays and Saturdays flexible and fun food. And they FINALLY like school!! Well, as much as teens do...
Getting the clutter cleared out and redoing rooms my way is so liberating. I am re-learning who I was and am and who I am becoming. The boys have commented on how the house is so peaceful, calm...like a sactuary. Which I think it should be, home should be a sanctuary. S1 says the "new" master suite is so Zen
Going through all that stuff though does stir up things within me sometimes, some anger, some sadness, but those are becoming shorter and less intense. But it is a good reminder of how much I carried through the M, I am really coming to terms with that reality, but not trashing the M, just a more balanced view... Realizing how "hard" she made life for herself, and sometimes the family. I feel really badly for her, sad.
But I don't have to carry that anymore, and... I don't miss her anymore, which made me sad at first. I miss who she was, before her dad was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago, but I don't miss who she has become since then. But it is reality. My life, and the day to day lives of the boys is better without her in the house. I feel badly for her, per her own words she is still so lost, I can't imagine being her and putting her kids, her family, her Mom, her H who loved her so much, through this.
I have adjusted to being a full-time solo Dad, and I am starting to really thrive. My R's with my sons has become awesome.
My band continues to improve and being fulfilling. I am building a new life, full of positive, intelligent, driven people who have their sh!t together. And my life is reflecting this. It's really becoming something awesome, imo. And, I have an evolving, amazing, long distance GF...we are evolving together, but with space to develop ourselves independently. We both have healing, growing, to do as separate people after our ordeal and M, we have kids to help heal and who need our full presence. The distance helps that for now...But it IS wonderful to have someone who cares, "shows up", that you matter to... it's been a while since either of us have had that in our lives...
Three years ago I couldn't imagine feeling this good, calm, peaceful... happy, just deep down contented happiness.
It really is a gift, this MLC thingy, IF you do the work, both the standing work, but more importantly, the work on yourself, imo.
Life is good. Not fair, but good.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
