Have I any hope.... (Part 3)

[bashy]

Hi labug. IVA is the next thing to bankruptcy in the UK. By support I mean when she rings worried about it I offer emotional support. Thanks for looking at my thread but it's done now. WAW asked me to stay over last night after we cleared out last stuff from the old house. Getting on great. We then went alone to KFC and chatted about things including D.

Went home and I fix a few things. Then noticed a little card the size of a credit card saying something along the lines of 'I'm sorry.... I love you. Thanks'. It looked like from her OM than a friend the way the wording was.

Any, I ignored it. Then we get D to bed and had some wine. We chatted about our past. My mistakes. Then she opened up a little on hers but fully isn't there it in regard what a marriage needs.... ie takes two to tango.

I told her it bothered my we only properly kissed (not just a peck on the lips) about a dozen times in 11 years. Always bothered me but I said I let it pass because she said she wasn't a fan of kissing. Then she confessed I was to 'slabbery' (too much saliva). I go ok. We then chat more and she brings up OM. I didn't get angry or ask about him. She didn't say much bar that he knew I was staying the night and had no problem with it. I then ask does she want to kiss to see how it feels. She says no. I say is there a part of u wants to? She says 1% just to see. But we don't. At this stage I know I'm pursuing but I don't ask her back. We then discuss possibility of me staying ever Sunday night to see D. She thinks it's a good idea. But then as I pursue she says I probably isnt. We then go to bed separately.

I wake up and take D to school. Then it hits me. I can't do this anymore. My life is a mess. I can't cope with my hopes being dashed every time she draws me close only to pull away. So I do the worst. I go and buy the loveliest vase of lilies.... her favourite. Then a card and write how I remember the good and bad times. I know she's scared. Inbelieve in marriage and is and I love her. I drop it off to work and read the card. Her eyes well up. We then agree to meet for lunch .

We meet and talk. She's says OM has said he'll understand if she wants back to me. I tell her I believe in us and marriage and I know she has feelings there. She says ages scared then draws back. Mentions the kissing thing saying it hit her the night before that she probably never really physically love me even though even also admitted that the last few years of our marriage was the best for sex. Then says if we tried for six months she was afraid if hurting me. She loves me but not in that way. I ask what happens if her and OM fall out... would she not fight for it. If so then fight for us. Then I say if that's her decision then I never want to see or hear from her again unless important D business. She says that's an ultimatum. I tell her it doesn't mean to be but I can't go on like this. She goes ok. I get up and walk off.

I text when home. I want her new adress for correspondence. She says ok but we can text. I say it's for official stuff. I tell her she knows how I feel but I can't fight us is any longer. I'm done. I never want to hear from her again. She replies she's sorry for hurting me. I'm the kindest man she's ever met and thanks me for helping her these last few months. Then says she'll respect my wishes. I did not reply.

So that's it. I'm done. My head has been a mess these last 9 months. I can't go on hoping. I need to get on with my life without her and as little contact. I'm tired. I know some people will think I'm mad after this short a time but I can't keep fighting it.

I want to thank you all for helping. I'll keep popping on to offer support while I can. I hope u all get what you want.