barely holding on - 3

[u-turn]

I know I've been all over the place with my posts for the last week. I am pretty messy as well. I'm not sure if giving the ring back to her will seem like I'm trying to be petty or manipulative. I don't want to give up and I have kept my vows, but I don't "feel" married any more either. But that is getting to a point of not keeping my vows (for better or worse).

I know it's a marathon, I just never trained for this and I bought crappy shoes that are giving me blisters.

I am just tired of this all - I can hardly remember what normal is any more. I want to be whole again, but can't even imagine it. I've been consumed by this for so long that it has wore me down.
(pitty party over)


Random observation:
she wants a connection first then re-build trust
I want to find trust first then figure out if we can re-connect.

To me this seems important and still seems like she has to figure out her path first (weigh all her options) before deciding.