Thanks for your post. I think you hit the nail on the head with "cannot figure out how to mend the bond the proper way".
This is my XH's big problem with the kids.
He is just a ball of anger and authoritarian bullying.
He was never like this in real life....
I can't work out at all how to communicate with him. He questions me relentlessly and tries to trap me into making all sorts of strange admissions. For example he always asks me where S15 is when he calls and I am not at home: "Is S15 at home alone? Have you left him on his own?"
This is S15 who will have his drivers' licence in a month... does he think S15 is still 12 years old - like he was when XH left?
The more I try to avoid negativity towards him (by adopting a neutral, non-judgemental approach), the more he tries to insist that I'm blaming him or judging him. In his last outburst, I ended up just not saying anything much but getting off the phone as quickly as was politely possible. There were lots of awkward silences on my part - and this doesn't go down well either.
He is insisting that S15 and i meet with him on Friday to discuss S15's behaviour. XH wanted to come to our house to do it, but i refused. He bullied and bullied but i just don't want his craziness defiling our home any more.
I suggested we meet at a local park. S15 says he won't' go as "talking to him is just a waste of time."
Not looking forward to this!
We really only have one thing to say to him: Please pay a decent amount of child support so that we don't have to live like this any longer.
Can't say that in a way that treats him like a passing acquaintance or an old friend we haven't seen in a while.
