BTW, Ss, the battery for the watch H gave me for Christmas two years ago stopped working last week and today I got a different one repaired, a beautiful Gucci watch my college boyfriend gave me. I haven't worn it in 18 years or more. I had forgotten how much I like it. So now I'm not wearing anything my H gave me either.
Just call me Oscar the Grouch. Time to mix up some lemonade and spike it with quite a lot of vodka!!!!
Last edited by Maybell; 09/03/1401:07 AM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I hear you, Maybell. It's just too painful. The only jewelry I wear is a bracelet I designed and had made (cheaply) that says "grace" on it to remind me of how I want to be in his presence. I can't wear perfume he gave me, jewelry, I can't wear my hair the same way, there's a specific bra I refuse to wear (mostly because it's SUPER uncomfortable but he LOVED it).
I just can't.
I'm indulging in a glass of wine. Cheers on your vodka lemonade!
You know, Maybell, you've reminded me of a night not so long ago when I had a major bawl-fest. I can't remember what prompted it, and I don't have those very often (anymore), but man did I let it out.
And after that I felt much better. There is something cathartic to just letting it out.
And, on the TMI front: my moods are also very closely related to my cycle. I'll feel like I'm falling back into the pit of despair for a couple of days (thinking to myself, hey, didn't I crawl out of that already??), and then a couple of days later, I'm like, "ohhh, that's why I felt that way."
Just sayin' don't put too much weight into how you feel right now. After all, we are here because we believe that feelings can change, right??
The trick to being 42 is that SOME THINGS aren't that predictable anymore. And adding a pubescent daughter to that mix makes them even a little trickier. You know, just in case you wanted a vision of your future.
I'm really, really happy your H asked you out for a drink. Even if it is mostly for business, he didn't have to do it that way. He chose to.
baby stepping a marathon sure is a dragged out business, isn't it?
OK, I'll be better tomorrow. Thanks, ladies.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Like Claire, I have to remind myself that sometimes the moods are out of my control. Oh, yet another thing out of my control. LOL
Bawl-fests are very cathartic. I do it in the shower and just let the hot water pour over me so when I get out all hot and red, I just blame it on the hot water.
Maybell, the feeling I get when I read your posts .. and I feel a few others have touched on it .. is that you really need to take some time out for yourself. Is there anyone who could take the kids for a whole day right now so you can take a day that is just for you?
Maybell - I'm just catching up after a longer-than-intended absence, but wanted to say that you've been in my thoughts.
It sounds like you've been having a lot of ups and downs, and I think the best thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself - if you're overtired and stressed emotions are going to be a lot more of a roller coaster and it's going to be a lot harder to step back to get a broader view and to catch your breath a little. And doing what you need to do to feel better - taking off the ring, not wearing any reminders of him - is good, too.
For now, I hope you can have a bit of time to wind down and some solid sleep tonight. It won't fix everything, but it's likely to put you in a better place to deal with whatever tomorrow brings.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Claire, thanks for the reminder feelings change. I think I can put my ring back on today. Doing that matters to me.
I'm sorry I was all crazy yesterday. I'm still tired and it's beyond frustrating to try to respond to a person I don't understand. As I know you all know as well as me. Another opportunity for me to grow -- managing my frustration levels. I thought I was doing that but I guess I was just damming them more effectively.
Super busy five days in front of me and I'm not sleeping so well anymore. I'll try to sort out solutions that don't send me off the rails.
Today is a new day. I'll try to manage it with more grace.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, here are some tactics I have used for getting my mind off things. Not sure if they'll work for you, as they might be personality-based, but see if anything sounds good..
- I allow myself a certain period of time to "go crazy." So, for 10 minutes I am allowed to do all the agonizing I want, but then I'm done. It actually works. - Take a bath. - Take a run. - Sing or dance to really loud music. - Distract myself by doing something that requires concentration. While choosing to watch a movie can work, it allows you to zone out and then your mind wanders. It sounds crazy, but in the two days after BD I had to do my taxes (HAD to, because of my business) and because it required a dedicated level of concentration, it did keep me somewhat sane for a few hours.
