Slowly switching gears

[25yearsmlc]

A roller coaster of a day. Someone found W's profile on a dating site and told me. I shouldn't be surprised as she made it clear she was planning on moving on but still it is very devastating to hear.

I shouldn't have got my hopes up after last week's call but I did. And it really hurts to fall back to the reality of how determined she is that there is no hope for us.

Any advice on what I should do?

So you know, I posted on a dating site when H and i were sep. And I dated (as did he). 2 of the men I dated were very cool and very desirable.


So the good news is that they are out there, AND I've "Still got it".

But The OTHER GOOD NEWS IS'

that it turns out my h and i are really quite well suited for each other. Dating OMs was a great reminder of that.

Don't assume every date or every OM/OW is a great catch AND that it convinces the WAS that a divorce is the answer.

ON the contrary, there were times I wished I could rush home to H's arms, missing him MORE...

and other times, when I'd had "good dates", still sometimes made me feel bittersweet. b/c I'd think 'if h and I could only have had a night like THIS", etc.

The point is, a lot of a strong marriage with a deep bond is hard to duplicate or replace and there are simply times that it seems only meeting OPs can show you that.

It's like yes the grass is green over there and in some places a bit greener BUT I CAN MAKE THIS GRASS GREENER TOO.

and other times you just shake your head and pray your spouse is also thinking''

something like "h/w would have known I was joking/or "would have laughed at that one"

and or, "spouse would have picked THAT, and this would have been so great"

OR when the new person misses the point, or chooses the "wrong" movie or misinterprets things, hey, there is a lot to be said for familiarity. IT's not all bad at all.

THAT is when you miss your bff. And if you once were really bonded and close, she won't forget that.

Takes a lot of time to FIND that and then build it. It's not instant at all, AND that assumes she'd meet a great guy AND that he is also ready for a real R.

I think you backed off too fast after pushing for a dvorce and you seem to have "forgotten" how you guys got here. It's not as if she was alone.

You played a big fat role in the original situation.****SO what are YOU DOING Differently so you two do't get here again and can you commit to a marriage in which you both share a home? IF NOT< then this is a set up for failure.***

FYI I did NOT agree with your original "go dark" approach when you had ALSO been the one to bring up divorce and then push for it.

You asked me to stop by and let you know, and that's how I see it so far.

I'll keep reading and IF my opinion changes, I'll let you know.

So far that is my .02