Doing all right

[BrightFuture]

OK, so I replied “Hi H, no I haven’t used the card.” Then I told him about the transaction that was declined and that I used the other card (which is joint card that he uses for business expenses.)
I waited to reply for almost 2 hours. Well, I was busy at work, and waiting for the advice on this board.
He replied right away.
Here is the exchange after that.

H: Ok cool. I will call and let them know the issue. Do you still use it for anything? Maybe i should cancel it!

Me: I don’t use it. I’m not sure where else it could be stored. For business? I thought there are some accumulated miles you could use.

H: Think i used those for the spain trip? I will check

Me (after some hesitation): XXXX (other card) miles were used for Spain trip, that’s for sure.

There was no reply to my last text. I kind of didn’t expect it anyway.

Here are my thoughts:

- Why would he ask me if I use the card? I don’t have this card, it is his card. We used it for business stuff, like it was on file with internet provider, but that’s it. I know d@rn well that it is not used anywhere else, I get the statements. I just played it a little to see what he would do. I guess he just has some significant memory issues.

- Speaking of the memory issues… The trip to Spain was two months prior to BD. It‘s been almost 2.5 years. This was the last big trip he (and I) went on (we used to travel somewhere every year.) I booked the flights for that trip and I used the miles that were accumulated on our joint credit card.

- “Think i used those for the spain trip” – this is typical H in the first few years of marriage and in the couple of last years prior to BD. He would use word “I”, even though it related to a joint activity or joint matter. He apologized a lot in the first few years of M, saying that he was so used to be by himself that he had hard time adjusting to “us”. Bull sh!t! I think it just shows that he just never knew how to fully commit to the M.

- So, I avoided to say “WE used the other card miles for trip to Spain”. Do I get 2x4 for this? Actually this is my question. I wanted to remind him that there was “us” at some point, but then I thought that this word would scare him again. Should I stay neutral and not use word "us"?

- It seems that this Spain trip comes up quite a lot in his thoughts. This was the last thing we did together.

- I showed a kind side of me to remind H that there would some miles he could use before he cancels the CC. Maybe it reminded him that we always double checked each other when making decisions and I was actually a reliable and caring partner.

OK, maybe too much analysis for a short text exchange. It is just so exciting after a couple of months of silence, LOL. Does this sound like H is not completely detached from me? Like he thinks I’m kind of his mother. He can ignore me and be rude and mean to me, but then just to check in about some life matters, like asking if he can cancel his CC. If he would not want to do anything with me, why would he ask if I’ve been using his CC? It there something I don’t understand?

I will try to address Bea’s and Job’s posts regarding the wedding in a little while. I do still have some unresolved feelings about it.