KGirl, you're definitely not the only one who does this. I have that fantasy too, although I'm still at the point where I imagine that he has his big realisation, comes to tell me how awful he was, and then I chew him out for at least awhile and tell him I don't know if I could take him back, at least nit right now, and not without a lot of work. I have the realisation fantasy a lot, though, especially since he didn't seem to think he had any responsibility in the demise of our marriage.
I also understand your difficulty with acceptance. Not having some huge, defined reason for things falling apart is hard, and it becomes really easy to put all of the blame on yourself. If it wasn't something obvious with them, it's really easy to assume that the issue was something having to do with you.
Keep in mind that even if he can't articulate what's going on - and there were many, many things that my H. couldn't articulate - it doesn't mean that there isn't some reason. He may not want to tell you. He may not have the words. He may not even know what that reason is. But whatever it is, if he can't really articulate what it is and doesn't have anything really specific to point to, it probably has a whole lot to do with him and very, very little - if anything - to do with you.
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
