Igit newbie needs help part 3

[pilot]

Its funny you mention late 40s because last Sept. when this first dropped on me, the 'conclusion' I came to was that my W was having a MLC. I had read some articles about women in their early 30s having them...as if 30 was the new 40. Now having read thousands of pages more, I would guess those articles probably mistook MLC for WAW. At any rate, I am 40, so I either have to marry another early 30something, or go early 50s to miss out in that danger window! hah!

You could be onto something about your W and her dad issues. Even if so, do not bank on that being the sole factor, or even major factor. In all likelihood, it was a combination of a bunch of straws that broke the camels back. I only say that as cautionary, not to undermine your own much more astute observations regarding your W.

I get what you say about underlying issue in my W childhood, and the MC already dove into my W and her dad, and how she is afraid of him (emotionally, not physically). Funny thing is she ALWAYS made it a point to say how her dad and I were nothing alike. Probably because her dad always said he was just like me. Ugg...that just reminded me of a major ego blow. Her family (near and extended) always thought of me as this "super smart millionaire". And while I was never fond of that description, now they must see me as an average broke guy. I like that much less.

As for her realizing I am not the cause of her unhappiness, I am sure that realization will come one day. Not tomorrow, and not next month. And probably not for a long time if our D turns sour. But at some point, as I think many WAS realize, she will understand EVERY relationship takes efforts, and that happiness is an inner project. So as much as I would love to sit back and bank on this strategy, I wouldn't last long if I held my breath on it.