For what it is worth, here are my thoughts on your situation:
//I predict that she won't be able to afford to stay in the house like she wants.// Stop predicting. The key outcome of a divorce is that her problems are her problems and your problems are your problems. You need to start thinking that way right now.
// I planned on more 50/50// You need to start planning. I have 50/50 and I can tell you being a single parent is tough. How are you going to do that? Financially supporting 2 complete households, getting kids to school and after school activities, and the countless other things that being a single parent entails. You really do need to start planning. For me, it means accepting that I cannot do it alone and reaching out to friends and family for help. You should really start having those conversations now, so you have a real plan when the topic comes up in front of a judge.
//is good DBing or not.// At its core, good DBing is accepting that your wife is a grown adult and has made a decision. It is giving her the freedom to make that decision and live with it’s consequences. You do that by separating from her and moving forward with your life. You need to accept that she is gone and start building a new life without her (yes, I know how hard that is to actually do). Maybe one day she will join you in that new life, but that is up to her.
//Am I making things too easy for her, or is this good because it is no trying to fight her on the idea of D?// You are not doing anything. She has made a choice. It sounds like that choice is Divorce. Follow the advice of your attorney and move through the process as efficiently and quickly as you can. Don’t do ANYTHING with the intent of manipulating her into returning to the marriage. NEVER act out of spite. You really just want to move through this as quickly as possible, protecting your rights and doing as little damage to your relationships as possible.
//do it all in a kind, loving and respectful way that protects my working relationship with the W for the benefit of the kids going forward." But am I missing some other DB perspective // No, that is what you need to do. Well said.
//I want to ALSO improve my chances of her changing her mind and wanting to be my W, either before or after a D.// Focus on building a life without her, not improving your chances. If she likes the life you build, and hates the life she built for herself, she may change her mind. But, this thought should not occupy any of your time or energy.
Again, these are just my thoughts; one opinion of many. I really am sorry you have to deal with this.
