Wife Still in MLC but has now left #3

[AJM]

LT and Matt - I had the same speech from my ex. Later it was anger and all kinds of things. I chalked that up to her dealing with her pain of the divorce. Never mind that she married the OM etc. I don't honestly think she really even likes him to be honest and forthcoming. I think he was a way for her to make the leaving "final" if you will.

But I can tell you that I am much happier without her and her drama in my life. I won't go into detail, but it's been a wild ride. My kids are mostly grown now - one in college and one a senior in HS. Like you, I was the one left behind to pick up the mess with the kids. My daughter is VERY angry and takes it out on me. She has since her mom came back to her and wanted to be friends. Like many MLCr's, that's the opposite of who she was and to the detriment of my son. It's sad to watch knowing that I can't do much for him to change that. I can only help him deal with it. At some point, I'll have to do the same for my daughter.

And I'm tired of it all. Even though she "left" I was the one that had to end the relationship. She's been abusive, angry, making up all kinds of things, etc. Typical, but no fun if you ask me

I've learned that she has nothing to say worth listening to. It's all about her and her feelings. She'll end a conversation telling me how happy she is etc. I just wish her well and move along because I've learned there is no talking to her. Or her H. Together they are really a piece of work to say the least.

I knew I had to be the one to leave the relationship after she moved out. I didn't want to per se. But if I didn't, it would go on indefinitely and the woman she is now is NOT anyone I knew.

I mourned the past. I grieved. I made mistakes in how I handled things. But now, all these years later..? I can look back and see that the hard decisions I made then were good decisions and the right ones. Life is what it is and it's good. For my ex? I hope so, but outward indications would say otherwise.

I'll be honest, I hate that for her. I really do. But it's way beyond my control and influence. I've learned that although I know when to walk away, I don't go willingly. I'm optimistic and loyal. But I've also learned to be realistic and to make the hard decisions and live with them. I have a lot of peace with the way I handled things.

It is my hope that you will as well when you look back on these years. I think you will even if some parts you don't like. You'll come to grips with the guilt of being happy she's gone even though your kids are not happy with it. You'll realize you can't help your W. Sad as it is, she has to want to be helped. Really want help, vs. living off the Taco Bell diet of help that somebody who wants something from her will give.

She'll either come to terms with herself, her choices and her life or she'll become a very bitter person you won't want to be around. You've seen some of that already.

She's dealing with deep-seated issues. Wish her well, protect yourself and your daughters, and detach from the outcome. It'll be best for all concerned if you can do those things. It won't be pretty as she processes things in "her" way, but it will be better in the long run.

It wasn't what you wanted for your life, your daughter's lives, nor your W's life, but it is what this life is. Now you need to deal with it as it is. I think you are well equipped to do so even while you grieve the past you had.

Smile because it happened, right?

Peace,
AJ