First post - My WAH story

[CaliGuy]

Jacket .... just caught up on your sitch ... and I can completely understand where you are at.

Its a rollercoaster none of us want to be on ... seems the trick is to own the darn rollercoaster, I know for me ... when the WAW realized the $$ was no where near what she thought it would be (through a free mediation session) that started (hindsight here in full effect) a number of actions. Then when I announced I would no longer fund her affair ... it again pushed the issue further, I did not tell her to end the A ... I just informed her it was disrespectful to me, our S, our marriage, our family and even to her parents ( a truth dart )

So I read where He is in a fog, he thinks the D will end him up rich and free ... mine did too, and then they start to realize the Willy Wonka Factory is not all gummy bears and chocolates ... I was at the end of my rope and about to let it go, then things started slowly changing, my GAL, regaining my confidence .. not for the WAS ... for ME. Do these things for you and once you sort yourself out then you can see what YOU want and if you want your WAS in your life, you need to gain the power of your own life and actions. Reading your last few posts (2x4 time) looks like you want him to suffer, rub it in his face ... thats all fine and dandy but does that get you where you need to be, ... probably not ... look at your goals, get yourself right ... then decide if you want to let that rope go or hang on and see what happens.

Either way .. you have many people in your corner ... Good luck.

[Jacket]

Reading your last few posts (2x4 time) looks like you want him to suffer, rub it in his face ... thats all fine and dandy but does that get you where you need to be, ... probably not ... look at your goals, get yourself right ... then decide if you want to let that rope go or hang on and see what happens.

That's basically what my DB coach said, too. "In the long run, does that help you or hurt you? You need to do what's best for yourself in the long run." So yes, I know this, which is why I'm not acting on it. But man, just thinking about it makes me feel a whole lot better. =P

I'm trying to figure out what my goal is for this week, in regards to my own self. That's what my coach asked right before we hung up. I'm still trying to figure that out...but I'm leaning toward working on a schedule for getting my kickboxing certification finally over and done with. I'm hoping you all can hold me accountable!

[Ss06]

Oh, I can think of few things more empowering than a kick boxing cert. How much more training do you need to get that? We're holding you accountable on your marriage... we would be GREAT at holding you accountable on GAL!!!

[Jacket]

You're turning blue... he only sees that you're still red. MWD says NOT to discuss your changes with your spouse. I think this is good advice but man it's HARD when you just want to point out a little that maybe he could see that you're a little bit purple.

I really like this analogy, Ss. Thing is, I know he sees my changes, because he's mentioned that I am totally different. It's just frustrating because he doesn't seem to care about them.

[Ss06]

Perhaps he doesn't believe they are lasting? I know that's a big piece of my H's issue. It's great, I'm changing but what will I be like in 6 months? You know?

[Nitty]

Jacket, just caught up with your story and what the heck about that email???

Thank you, Bob, for saying it so plainly and so well.

Your H = rewriting the narrative. He's rewritten your history as a couple, now he has to shape the story so he doesn't look bad.

He definitely did all the paperwork himself. He felt our situation was "simple enough" that it would be easy for us to do it without mediators or lawyers.

Another classic line. I heard that, too. Totally incorrect, totally erroneous. And H = totally gobsmacked. Once again, trying to shape the story so it fits his vision.

[Jacket]

Oh, I can think of few things more empowering than a kick boxing cert. How much more training do you need to get that? We're holding you accountable on your marriage... we would be GREAT at holding you accountable on GAL!!!

I've already done the 3-day (8 hours/day) certification course. So I have until the beginning of November to video myself teaching a 60-minute kickboxing class to at least 5 participants. It's a choreographed class, with 10 tracks in it. There's a whole page of things they're looking for (form, ability to cue, noting safety tips, etc.) in your video. I have to pass at least 7 of the tracks to get certified; in order to pass a track, you can have no more than 3 errors. My form and ability to memorize the choreography is fine. I just need more practice with actual teaching, meaning using the microphone and everything. I've taught two tracks so far, but never done an entire class. So I just need more practice with it. I need to work out a schedule with the current kickboxing instructors, to leap in and teach a few tracks during their classes. I haven't been taking the initiative to get this done. That changes this week!

[Jacket]

Perhaps he doesn't believe they are lasting? I know that's a big piece of my H's issue. It's great, I'm changing but what will I be like in 6 months? You know?

It might be that.

He also has stated that he feels like he was never in love with me the way he "should have been" because we never had the romantic spark he needs. Maybe I should dye my hair dirty blond. (See the third to last paragraph in my original post.) That seems to be the kind of change he needs. *snort*

[Jacket]

Jacket, just caught up with your story and what the heck about that email???

Thank you, Bob, for saying it so plainly and so well.

Your H = rewriting the narrative. He's rewritten your history as a couple, now he has to shape the story so he doesn't look bad.

He definitely did all the paperwork himself. He felt our situation was "simple enough" that it would be easy for us to do it without mediators or lawyers.

Another classic line. I heard that, too. Totally incorrect, totally erroneous. And H = totally gobsmacked. Once again, trying to shape the story so it fits his vision.

Yes, Nitty. YES. Thanks for reading up on my sitch.

[pilot]

Maybe I should dye my hair dirty blond. (See the third to last paragraph in my original post.) That seems to be the kind of change he needs. *snort*

Blonde.... *drool*

Haha. you had me at blonde.

Dye away!!!

On a serious note, my W has taken up fitness to the extreme this past year. Im talking spin, kettle bells (spelling?), crossfit, the works. It is like she has become obsessed. I swear she wears fitness clothes 60% of the times i see her. DONT become her!