I was doing so good

[PeterV2]

Dawgy, you're getting good advice from everyone here. A couple of thoughts from me:

When she's left and moved in with OM that's when she'll be in the thick of her A and that's when she'll start seeing the little flaws of that man. He'll start farting in bed - the really smelly ones. Being grumpy in the morning with jungle breath. He'll snap at her a few times and soon enough she'll start seeing that the grass isn't always greener. Be the greenest grass you can be. (you can still fart, just not in her company) Right now she's colour blind. My first wife called me up a couple of years ago crying & saying the grass isn't always greener - that was the morning after the SWAT team took away her new husband for child porn offenses - he's in jail now. Sometimes karma comes in surprising ways.

By her leaving, the secret of her A will be exposed to all. The romance and intrigue of the secret life will be replaced with anger and rejection from family and friends. Do I paint a picture here?

Your kids may take this hard and feel anger toward your W for the perceived rejection of them. Be there for them. Answer questions they may have. Don't tell them too many details. You could say something like mommy is having some problems in her life that she needs to work through so she needs a time out. I'm not sure of the ages of your kids, but the talk should be age appropriate. Whatever you do, take the high road: don't say anything disrespectful. Be strong and be supportive of your kids. Give them extra helpings of love. You are now the only one modelling moral behaviour - do it right.

GET A LAWYER. This may be the time for you to close the joint account, cut off her credit card and change the locks on the house. I may be over-reacting here. You know your sitch best. If you do those things she will perceive it as you punishing her. She will scream and there will be much gnashing of teeth. It's not punishing - it's protecting you and the kids from the ravages of an addict who may inadvertently ruin your life financially. But talk to a lawyer about it. It's not time to file papers, but just to know your rights and risk exposure. I cut off my W's credit card on New Years and she perceived it as punishment for her A and she said she lost trust in me. (Yeah I had to give my head a shake over that comment.)

Her being out of the house will in some ways be a good thing. You will not have to see her lying face every day. It will make it easier to detach and work on yourself. Work out 3 times a week if you don't already. Read DR over again. Build a warm loving homelife for your kids. Always take the high road.

Find a buddy you can confide in who will respect confidentiality. Open up to him. Stay away from the ladies as tempting as it may be. Don't open up to them.

Try to start meditating - breathe deeply. Practice thought stopping. Keep a PMA & GAL.

This is going to take time. Be patient. Be Zen about it. Things will develop in their own unique way. Accept what happens beyond your control - there's always a silver lining.

Watch the movie The Heat. Just for a laugh (not appropriate for the kids)