Amoeba Whisperer: "Stay in your OWN Petrie Dish!"

[GoatGal]

Now I KNOW you're all on the edges of your seats, so HERE IT COMES!

Ready????


PPPPPPPPPFFFFFFfffffffftttttttttttt!

Nada. Nothing. Zip.


His "Lead Up" statements:

* "I want to bury my girl (dog, Eleanor) this weekend."

Saturday he said he wanted to, then didn't want to.
Sunday, same thing.
We planned for Monday, then he decided he was leaving early, going for a bike ride, and I was RELIEVED to see him go!
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About the Decks:
* "Would you PICK A STAIN ALREADY????!!!"

He kept talking about picking stains, brought home swatches--but there's no plan.
I reiterate about setting up a weekend, how I'm happy to help, just want a head's up.

We finally select a color.
He's not happy with the fact that the very dark stain he likes will lessen the life of the decks because of sun damage.
I was prepared to let this go, but said, "As long as you're okay with that..." and he grudgingly selected the next darkest stain.
Whatever...It's fine.

That's a 180 for me, just to let his (ugly) choice go. Yay, me!

We continue to go around and around for about five minutes about a BASIC game plan and a TIME to do this---and I'm wondering what the problem is! I'm thinking, is it me? Am I THIS DENSE?

Then he whines at me--looks almost teary---and says:
"Can we JUST NOT OVERTHINK THIS FOR ONCE???"

I said, "How is planning a weekend "overthinking"?

He says: "It's not THAT complicated". (I admit, I'm missing his point.)
Me: "What do you mean?'

H: (Here's a clue--FINALLY!) "It's not really a job for two people."

(Ahhh.. GUBU, the Master of the Badly Dropped Hints!!!)

Me: "Okay...." (Feeling a teeny bit hurt, but mostly relieved.)

Him: "I don't need any help."

Me: "That's fine! I don't mind at all, in fact I'm happier to leave you to it.
"I was just under the impression that you wanted me to work on because it might go faster with two people and you've wanted me to work on it alone."

(I'm thinking, he's been volunteering to help ME with what was MY project! Duh! I didn't know the game had changed.)

H: "I'd just rather do it by myself."

M: Muttering under my breath. "Yeah, like everything else."
(I don't even know if I said this out loud, or just thought it. Probably a barely audible mutter. But I'd been trying to get some clarity for weeks. Sheesh!)

(Not DBing, maybe but)
Me: "I'm not so terrible to work with, you know."

Him: "I know..."

Me: "I think it would have saved some time if you had just said that at the beginning, because I've been trying to accommodate you and how you wanted to address it, but I feel like a chump because you just let me go on like that instead of saying what you were thinking."

M: "It would just make things so much easier if you said what you meant, you know, just come right out with it. I'm thrilled to let you do the decks by yourself if that's what you want to do."

Call it a "Truth Dart", whatever you will. At some point, he's got to be trained!
That was ridiculous, all that dancing around about nothing. And me bending over backwards to validate and accommodate, and he had NO INTENTION of working on it with me or planning anything!

To my credit, I was sleep-deprived x 2 nights, not fully awake.
But I used a very soft voice, was very relaxed, not angry, not stressing, just stating a fact.
(Except for that "yeah, like everything else" dig.)
I used DBing techniques, which is probably why it too SO DANG LONG to finally get to the real issue.

Here I am reflecting, listening, validating... he's probably not used to it!
Trust me, he never said a thing about wanting to do it alone and he had many opportunities.

Then my attempt at light-heartedness:
"You know me, pasty blonde people don't do well in the hot sun slaving away with buckets of stain... so yeah. Have at it!"
"I'm actually really relieved that you're OK doing it on your own. I know you'll do a great job!!! And I'll enjoy watching you do it. I'll keep the Gatorade bucket full."

I Smiled, laughed...I let him know IT's OKAY!!! You SAY what's on your mind, and you get REWARDED!

For Pete's sake: Say what you MEAN, MEAN what you say, DUDE!!!!!

Why torture me with trying to pussyfoot around such a simple thing?
We're talking WEEKS of me trying to "figure out" what he was trying to say, while he was busy beating around the bush.

However, at the end, he did APOLOGIZE for continuing to allow me to labor under a misconception!
"Sorry"

Hey, I'll take it.
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"I want to talk... about the future"

Nope. I never mentioned it, he never mentioned it, he didn't even HINT at it!

Hasn't said a peep about it since.

HOWEVER: Actions speak louder than words.


He was back working on the basement bathroom, clearing out some construction debris down there, setting up some lighting, organizing his stuff, and his last words to me before leaving were:

"Do you think during your week you can get rid of some of the old pillows and things down in the basement? There is a big pile of stuff and it's useless so you might throw it away."

BIG HINT!!!!!!!!! Ya THINK???????


----GGG