First post - My WAH story

[Jacket]

I'm back from Lake Tahoe, after a really fun time with my wonderful friend who's been supporting me throughout all the madness from the very beginning. We had an amazing time hiking, going to the beach, winning a little bit of money in the penny slot machines, and listening to an awesome band at dinner. I had a great time! I even got hit on at the casino (that was actually really icky) but it made for a funny story throughout the weekend.

H sent out the freaking email yesterday to 10 people. What was really dumb is that 4 of the people he sent it to already are completely updated on the situation - his sister, our mutual friend who we each see separately every couple of weeks, the best man at our wedding, and his co-worker who helped me move out. He has asked me to send him a list of who I'm going to email and to CC him on it as well. He plans to change his FB status on Friday. Only one person has responded to the email as far as I know, unless others have responded only to him. She was very supportive to both of us.

I had a phone session yesterday with my coach, and even SHE expressed discouragement at my H's attitude. She noted that he seems really checked out and was saddened at his big push at sending out this email. It's hard to be hopeful when even your DB coach seems to think R is not really a possibility. After talking to her, she told me not to bother sending out an email myself unless I really feel like doing so (at this point, there's no one else who I really think I need to tell), so I'm planning to just skip it. She also told me to go ahead and date if I feel like it. When I pointed out that a lot of others on the boards discourage that, she said that that's usually because others' spouses are often on the fence about R, and dating others can further complicate things. In terms of my situation, where I have employed the LRTs and have been doing well with my 180s and GAL, and my H still doesn't seem to give a rats' a$$, she said she doesn't think it'll complicate things. I feel like she's telling me to just go ahead and move on, too. Sigh.

In the meantime, while I feel like I've done a better job at detaching (i.e., I no longer feel the urge to snoop or even wonder what H is up to with other women, even his LF), the incredible anger at the whole situation has settled in. I have been SO ANGRY all week. My dad and my L went through the financial information over the weekend, and our numbers are vastly different than what my H had come up with when he drew up the D papers, which, BTW, I still have not received. I actually felt the urge to just go ahead and file myself, but my L advised me not to, if I still possibly want to R. (I'm not even sure about this anymore.) My DB coach also advised me not to (though it would certainly be a 180 for me), unless I was really ready NOW to go ahead with D. Part of me just wants to so I can rub it in his face that he's not going to be as financially set as he thought he would be when we D. He thought he was just going to waltz off into the sunset with our house, and me owing him a huge amount of money (I have a lot saved up in my retirement account, which he factored into the paperwork). My dad, who is a CPA, and my L, have figured out that if he keeps the house, he will owe me twice as much as he thinks I owe him, because he undervalued our house and also "forgot" to factor in that he is a partner in his firm and made a big profit last year. I am dying to rub this in his face, but instead am controlling myself and just venting here.

We're both invited to a birthday party this Sunday, and I just messaged the hostess to say I won't be there. She was totally understanding (she's the one person who emailed in response to H's email), and I honestly feel relieved. Frankly, I don't think I will be able to be there and be civil let alone smile at my H. I'll let him go and field all the questions about our D. Also, I've been invited that day to go out with my friend and her French guest again. We're supposed to have a picnic. That sounds a lot more fun than hanging out with my H the Tool and all our mutual friends.