Inside my chrysalis 2

[Card29]

Hi Ss,

I don't know how much of my story you've read (or, actually, how much I've let out on this forum), but I was on the other end of this 4 years ago. I wanted out, I didn't love W anymore, I didn't even WANT to work on it, even if I knew what to do (which I didn't). So it is much easier to empathize with my WAW (and your WAH) than it is for you.

My situation was different. My W never knew there was a problem until recently when I confessed it to her. That's not to say there was no effect, because I'm sure the 2-3 years I neglected her then are biting me in the A%# now. By the grace of God, she unknowingly DB'd me. Her attitude towards me became much nicer, although still not perfect. I also started doing my part - letting go of little annoyances that used to drive me crazy, etc. I fell back in love with her more than any time in our 10 years. Unfortunately, or by divine justice, I got to that point just as my W is reaching her low point in the R.

So knowing where I came from, I know what is possible for my WAW and your WAH, to fully come back someday. But it will not happen quickly. It took years for me, but that was by accidentally piecing back together. If either of our spouses agree to reconcile and begin piecing, we will be Samurai love builders! I would not be going off of my naïve instincts anymore, but rather the knowledge of dozens of vets and great love/marriage leaders like MWD and other great people and writers.

Hey, since I dropped a Samurai nugget in there, how about a few Bruce Lee quotes:

You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.


Ss, believe that we will have unquenchable love with our spouses eventually, but it will be a long, difficult road to get there, and that you must be adaptable to the situation at hand. Right now our sitches involve walk-away spouses who don't want to work on it, so adapt to that situation as best as you possibly can with the end goal being unquenchable love. The first steps of that road are not begging, pleading, prodding, or walking away.