Unexpected walk-away-husband

[jpLove]

Hello! My name is June & this is my very first post here. Seven weeks ago I went to tour a local preschool for my daughter. While talking to the administrator, she explained that I could opt out of providing a birth certificate if I wanted to and that one example of their needing one would be if the parents split up during the school year and the mom removed the dad from the authorized pick-up list. If no court order had been put in place, then they would continue to allow the dad his original rights. I vividly remember thinking "ha! THAT will never happen!" My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 4.5 of those years. I adore him. I've always made a habit of praising him, supporting him, complimenting him, submitting to him. I was always rather proud of my efforts, thinking that I was a good wife. I would ask him, if the subject came up because of something we observed with other couples, how I was doing in that area and he always assured me that I did well. On my last birthday, he announced to the internet that I was "the best wife and mother in the world." In March we miscarried a surprise third baby and I remember hugging him and crying and mentioning that I know that sometimes things like "this" tear couples apart. He strongly assured me that that would not be us. Ever since then, he's been noticeably down. Grumpy most days, angry with the kids very easily, somewhat apathetic. When I would notice that he was down I would always ask "how can I help? Have I contributed to your feeling this way?" And he ALWAYS assured me that I was not the cause of his misery. Through our entire relationship, we always agreed that divorce was never an option because we meant it when we made our vows. Because of all of these things combined, I was very confident that no matter what came our way, we were solid. And I know I, at least, was still very much in love. The man still gives me butterflies.

1 Thursday, 6 weeks ago, while I was 11 weeks pregnant, we had what seemed like a normal day.. He went to work, communicated with me the same way he always did, checking on me through the day, random "I love you's," he even invited the kids and me to go to a car show with his dad that night. We didn't end up going, bc he later found out that his dad wanted it to be a father-son-outing. When he came home that night we had dinner and I put the kids to bed. While upstairs, I texted him and asked a question I've asked many times before, "if you had it to do all over again, would you marry me?" I was shocked that I didn't get the immediate "of course I would" that I always had before. This time he paused...and then said "no, June, I wouldn't. It breaks my heart to say that." That obviously led me into the typical interrogating trying to figure out how on earth he could have come to that conclusion. For heaven's sake, we never even fought! He asked for a break that night and the kids and I moved in with my parents the next day. I had basically no answers, they were all vague and by nature I am a questioner. I research everything heavily...I like answers! I was floored when he got angry with me for asking what seemed like completely reasonable questions about our "break." He actually yelled at me for the very first time, because of me and my "damn questions all the time." It took one week (of me unknowingly pushing him further away) for him to say some very mean things and that he was "done." He's never said he's divorcing me in those words, but he did say that he can't divorce me while I'm pregnant...so I have until at least February to help this turn around. The kids and I have been back home for about a month, he's living with a friend who left his wife & 3 children about a year ago. He's financially supporting us and we have nightly "goodnight " phone calls for the kids. (D,4 & S, 22 months) he takes the kids 2-3 times a week and I see him at those exchanges. Our communication never includes fighting or even disagreeing. I've been doing phone sessions with Dr. Jack Ito (whom I found before I found DR & this site) I've had 3 sessions with him so far. First he instructed me to apologize to H for trying to keep him in a marriage that makes him unhappy and explain to him that his happiness is very important to me. After the apology I've had rules to live by, 1) initiate no affection - no pet names, no 'I love you', etc. 2) initiate no touching 3) initiate no contact that isn't absolutely necessary - he's given me "skills" to work on to help re-attract him - being agreeable in a very specific way & showing empathy. "Progress" keeps fluctuating. I keep thinking I see good signs and then winter comes back and he suddenly avoids eye-contact and conversation. It's a yo-yo. I've only cried in front of him once in a month, and that was this past Sunday because our daughter is actively rejecting him and it breaks my heart. I need advice and support, because most of my real-life support is getting tired of waiting and their support is wayning. :-/