A new day, a new way - MLP Pt. 2

[Eatsma]

Yes - AlAnon. My mother is an alcoholic (and her mother was an alcoholic), but I'm so far removed from interacting with my parents that I've never really felt the need to talk to folks about it....

But I'll look for an open meeting. I just think it could be useful. I do worry that I'm enabling an addiction, which I really do not want to do.

[labug]

Then you learned your relating skills from addicts.

A meeting (or 6)is worth an hour of your life.

[KGirl]

Later, he and I talked again. He cried, saying that he would dump OW for D15, but not for me. D15 deserves to believe that her dad is faithful to her mom. He wasn't going to dump OW for me though - it was only for D15. He told me that for years he had felt suffocated. That he had hoped I would die in a car crash. He doesn't feel suffocated anymore.

There was some pretty big stuff in that long post, including that you were not going to be OK with OW but that he wasn't going to dump her... I couldn't tell if there was an outcome from any of that. Is he going NC with her or no? Or yet to be determined?

Also stopping by because I saw you are a college counselor, and I work in student services as well and saw that you were meeting with someone on a weekend (providing it was a weekend where you are)... are you a private consultant of some sort? That is true dedication! My students have a hard time remembering that I'm not available 24/7 and especially on weekends to help them so they need some gentle "reminders" sometimes

[Eatsma]

Kgirl - I AM a private counselor. I spent 17 years at a school. When I left, I found I could be kept pretty busy as an independent counselor, so I've kept my membership with the various national and state organizations, only as an independent. I like the flexibility and variety that I see with students from a broad range of schools!

We haven't had another discussion since that night. He works with OW, so NC is very unrealistic at this point. Oh, and he's addicted to her, so there's that. Honestly - their relationship is super secret. I know. He says that her H knows. Our D knows. But other than that - I think that their families and co-workers don't know. Is this relationship sustainable? Of COURSE it's not.

The company is up for sale, so potentially the working situation could change in the nearish future.

Otherwise, I'm back to ignoring the situation. I'm trying to be detached, and GAL and act "as if."

[Eatsma]

Then you learned your relating skills from addicts.

A meeting (or 6)is worth an hour of your life.

Holy cats, batman.

I never thought of that.

So true...and it explains why my relationship with my mother is as dysfunctional as her relationship was with her mother.

Oohfah. Better look for a meeting.

[dawgy]

Mlp < Please talk to me . You always have a way of calming me down and making me feel better . Wife dropped a bomb on me last night the she has a lawyer and she wants to move in with OM . Im in panic mode this morning

[Maybell]

Dawgy, I'm sorry she got the lawyer and the OM plan.

Look at it as a turn of the page. What does it actually change? I know in my situation that while H was at home things were AWFUL. It wasn't till he moved out that I was able to grow. It wasn't till he moved out that he saw that OW was not a long-term option. Things didn't start improving between him & me till he moved out and I got the tiniest bit of perspective.

Try not to panic. Or try to see the positives in the situation. Believe it or not, there are some.

Best to you, and hugs.

[Maybell]

Oops, sorry for the hijack, MLP.

Doesn't Labug have a great way of making things clear??? Hope you're well.

[Eatsma]

Totally not a hijack. Dawgy - I have responded to your thread.

I think total separation can be a gift. It can cause the mask to start to slip. More importantly, it can finally allow for real healing of the left behind spouse.

I'm still in limbo-land with no movement as far as I can tell. We're back to ignoring the elephant in the room. BUT - I'm doing some GAL. Some days are better than others.

Maybell, Labug...You guys rock.

Dawgy - Hang in there, buddy. You rock, too - but you're going to need your strength for you in the next few days.

[dawgy]

Thanks Gals . This is so painfuland its compounds itself because it upsets me soo much that i cant eat or sleep for about 5 days . That has been the result every time she says shes leaving . But I appreciate the kind words and insight . It all makes sense but hard to implement when I feel soo bad .