Igit newbie needs help part 3

[pilot]

Dang...17 year anniversary...days after you answer your summons. I hate it for you buddy. As for the present thing...I would be open to something else...or at least the open to discussing it here prior to doing anything. Let me explain why...

I know gifts, etc can be construed as pursuing. However, in retrospect, I probably should have done 'more' than I did this past April for my W's 30th bday. Basically it was a few days after I discovered her A. So what I did was mirror to the T what she did for my 40th a few months earlier. She as already emotionally gone by the time my bday came around, and honestly I probably did not help things on my bday. Through out our history together, I had always been finding new ways to 'go over the top' with things like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays... When we first met, and she had a job, I called her boss, made sure she was out of her office, then had it decorated with candy, flowers, balloons, and stuffed animals. I would surprise her with trips, gifts from Tiffany's, anything that would show I put in a ton of effort to make happen. So when a milestone bday like her 30th came around, I got her 2 cards, one from each kid, and 2 workout shirts. Because that is what she did for me. 2 cards, and 2 shirts, and dinner at a restaurant I really had no interest in eating at. I did it because I wanted to do nothing more for her than me. In hindsight, I got 2 cards and 2 shirts because she did not have the money to do anything else for me. Would it have killed me to try to make that day a little more special? Probably not. Would not have helped my M, but it certainly was not going to hurt it either.

Back to you. In your case, your D is already in motion, but it is not done. You yourself said the other day she initiated holding your hand after your listing appointment. That is a STRONG positive. A small one, but strong nonetheless. So how do you do something nice for her, that is not pursuing? How about this?

If she does not have dinner plans that you know of, and she plans on staying in, make her a super nice dinner. Put in a ton of effort igit. Go all out. Make it something she really loves, or wants to try. But......make it for 1. Set a place for her at the table. Candles, even music. But set it for one. You are not going to be home. You are going to do your own thing. She will see you put in the effort for HER, and not as a pursuing tactic because you are not there. Also, what better way for her to get a glimpse into her future...sitting at a table set for one eating dinner. Now, if she invites you to eat with her, then ok, accept. But have other plans, even if you go eat fast food and find a quiet place to cry.

Just a thought buddy... No guarantee it is a good thought...just a thought.