Not Confused...Insane in the Membrane

[BRNR]

Hi all!!!

So, I've been battling a lot lately and have been on my own personal roller coaster. As I said in prior, Shmoopie filed for divorce...the lies that were included in the complaint were outrageous and I have been doing a lot of work emotionally and physically to overcome them. We were supposed to go to court this upcoming Friday, but my attorney had it postponed for a few more weeks so we can get all the pertinent information together.

I am happy that I have a few good friends by my side to combat and confirm my thoughts and emotions. A lot can be said for the friends that have taken this journey with me.

In gathering the information for the divorce a lot of old feelings came back when reading old emails and text exchanges...at times I felt like throwing up because the things that were said by Shmoopie were just downright evil and untrue.

What I can say, is that my life is not what a thought it would be...I miss my pre-BD ex something terrible and I know in my heart that I loved that man with all his flaws...and there were a lot.

To everyone who is dealing with thier own monsters (both externally and internally) know that life goes on...it may be better or it may be worse, but it does go on.

My Shmoopie has settled down, but he is also disappearing on his children...I guess that is to be expected. I have NO idea where he is on his journey...with the little knowledge I have about his troubles and knowing how much of a struggle I have had with things emotionally and physically since our split, I can't help but think it isn't as good of a picture as he would like to paint.

OW, I still think about her sometimes...I am mad at her and I feel sorry for her. To aide in the destruction of a family for her own selfish needs...SMH!!! I hope she grows up and gets what she deserves in the long run...I don't know what that is, but I hope it is some kind of hell.

Had a deep conversation about "settling" with I guy I care about. We both know there are things we want and don't want from our relationships in the future... whether that be with each other or not. He is such a special guy who I adore...

I guess I just wanted to pop in and say Hi while I had the chance. School is starting for my boys and the whole month of August was consumed with my kids activities with no end in sight Until the new year...hope all is well with everyone.

I miss the talks and the lashings...I wish I had more time to sit on the boards and talk with you all. I am going to try and catch up on some of the other postings.

Talk to all of you soon.