Correct me if I'm wrong, I get the impression you have not put together a precise plan of action. It's more like just taking everything as it comes.
If I am correct, I want to encourage you to start some type of workbook just for your eyes to see. Begin by making columns with headings of Attitude, Habits & Nuisances, Behavior, and Reactions (and any other you want to add). Under each heading, list those things about yourself that you KNOW caused some degree of conflict in your relationships (family, friends, co-workers, etc.).
Keep this list b/c you may need to add things as you give it more thought. Study the list and see which ones you could eliminate with little effort. Sometimes, all is needed is to just making up your mind to stop doing whatever caused the conflict. No matter how insignificant it may seem to you......you know it doesn't set well with the other person.
The next part may be a little tougher b/c it requires more thought and action. Those are the ones that aren't that easy to fix. However, this becomes your plan of action to improve yourself within your relationships.
As you study each one, ask yourself if this causes some negativity from others. Is it everyone or just certain people? If certain ones, write the names.
Now comes your plan. What to do in each thing you've listed. If it is a bad habit, you have to do more than just say you won't do it again. It's a habit! You have to have steps to break it.
You may want to keep a separate section just for your MR. When it comes to our M, it seems to get deeper b/c we feel our S should just accept us the way we are. We stop putting enough effort in doing things to build their love for us, and we react to their reactions about us. So this results in emotional needs not being met, disrespect, arguments breaking out, silent treatments, resentment, the blame game, on & on. You know what I'm talking about.
Dig deep and search your heart. What can you do to change? Taking one thing at a time on your list, write down your plan. Remember, this is strictly what you can do about yourself.......not her. This is not a plan of action for her.
If you can't come up with very much on your list, then think back to her complaints about you and begin there. Identify the basis for most arguments that seem to come out of nowhere. What are the triggers? If she has resentment toward you, why is that? Do you know what her emotional needs are? If so, what have you done in the past to meet those needs? What is her love language? Do you speak that language to her?
This is pretty sketchy, but hopefully it will get you started, if you are interested. There is more at a later time, if you do this part and want to go further.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
