1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 5

[mdu]

Some very interesting developments in my sitch!

Yesterday, I had some people over for a labor day BBQ. Had a blast but drank WAY too much. At the end of the evening I texted H to find out when he was coming over in the AM (today is D4’s first day of Kindergarten). He did not respond for a long time. Unfortunately I started freaking out, the alcohol definitely did not help. I called and texted a bunch of times. This had disaster written all over it.

Finally, he calls back. Despite my freaking, he’s extremely apologetic. He says he totally gets why I am freaking out and he felt terrible for not seeing my texts. He says he is on is way over to the house right now! He comes over and miraculously I don’t go off on him, I am totally chill. We end up talking about the affair, about OW now being in his office, about repairing our marriage.

I ask him why everything took such a negative turn after OW moved to his office. He said he was just totally freaked out and wasn’t sure how it would be. He shared that he called her and spoke to her after he found out she was moving --- asked her WTH she was doing. She said that they offered for her to work in his office and since it was so much shorter of a commute it would be crazy to refuse. I did not freak out AT ALL when he told me he called her. I don’t know, somehow it seemed really clear that he did not want to be with her anymore. The whole mess is just so clearly not worth it.

Then he confessed that he has a work outing that she will likely be at next week. Again, I was totally chill. I told him ‘I just need you to tell me everything, we can get through this if you are completely honest’. He said ‘I know’. Then he told me that he has another work outing the week after. I asked him ‘What does that have to do with OW?’ and he said ‘Nothing, I just thought you should know.’

I talked about taking ADs and how I’ve struggled with adjusting to them and sleep issues. He cried and apologized for doing this to me and how much it has affected me. I actually wasn’t sharing to get that reaction out of him but I’ll admit, it was nice to see remorse.

I asked him how he’s doing. He said he’s really busy at work which is a good distraction but that he is really not doing very well. He obviously feels horrible about himself, about what he has done. He cried. I held his hand and told him it would be ok. He said that he’s working with IC to try to understand why he made such a hideous choice, why he kept it going and allowed himself to get so deep when he had 1000 opportunities along the way to just put an end to it.

Despite my freak out moments since BD basically he has been utterly amazed at how good I have been to him through all this, that I still even want him anymore. I told him that I’ve always loved him.

Amazing!