Thanks guys. It's been a crazy 48 hours. This DB stuff is insane. A month of routine, followed by what can feel like a shift in the universe.
She replied to my email. Said that she f'd up, was trying to find herself and just be free and have fun, but ended up having a drunken summer, then getting lonely, and seeing an old high school friend for a while. She said that broke off because he made her feel the children were a burden and she was to blame. Now she's really devastated, overwhelmed by life, and torn about divorcing a guy who she doesn't know if she can trust but 'who has changed into someone she likes'.
Wow. I was taken aback. Yes, it hurt there was an OM but my read was correct in that it didn't last long. Not sure how serious it was, but in the end given this situation is it ever really serious? You know what I mean. People grab anything when they fall.
Now I'm in a strange spot. Trying to figure out how to be supportive and validate, without pursuing or enabling. I replied to this last email and tried to validate what she was going through. I ended with the line: "It’s been a long time since we were safe with each other. Just know if you’d like to keep talking I’m still willing to listen." I wanted to make sure she understood that I wasn't slamming the door shut after she admitted to an OM.
It's tough, because she's in full victim mode. Still blames me for all the hurt, the M trouble, and the reality she's in. Still can't see past her own pain. And still hasn't looked in the mirror at her own issues.
Time away is crazy. Maybe I rewrote my history and made her a saint. But the reality is that she would need to make some of the same choices towards growth that I've been striving towards. I think she was the initiator so she is just months behind me. She's still trying to find herself, then figure out how to grow for herself. While I'm glad she's conflicted she's a long way from being ready to recommit to the M. Right?
Feel free to chime in. Right now I'm going to keep focusing on me, being a good father, and continuing to work on my problems and be a good coparent. Any traps I should avoid at this point that would delay the progress? I should've prepared for this part but never thought I'd be even this baby step far. Thoughts?
Last edited by Zues126; 09/02/1403:08 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
