I don't love you anymore

[nova]

Wow, it's been a while since I have been on here. Between forum issues and my crazy schedule as of late, I guess I'm a little behind. Especially since it has been a very roller coaster two weeks.

I guess I'll begin where I left off in my last post. I went to W apartment to drop some things off two weeks ago on a Wednesday. All was going as per the usual with our interactions since BD, and then I totally buggered it. I was at the door, I had it open. All I had to do was to leave, and everything would have been ok. But I didn't. I closed the door, and I laid everything out there. I told her I thought the way she left me was disrespectful, I told her that it still irritated me that she hasn't given me a real reason for leaving, and that I felt like she just gave up on the relationship. I didn't yell or get angry, I didn't beg her to come back. I just told her what I felt. I was calm. Scary calm. A kind of calm I didn't know I had in me at the moment. When I finished, I felt a sense of relief having done that, but at the same time I felt mad at myself for ignoring what is taught here.

A few days later she messaged me that she would be canceling our cell phone plan this past Thursday. Very business like, very much the usual. But then later in the same day, she started messaging me again, talking about the cell phones she was thinking of getting and asking what I thought I might get. It doesn't seem like much, but it's really the first non-business interaction we've had in a while, just kind of a friendly chat about cell phones. I began to think maybe me laying everything out there made her think a bit, maybe drew her from behind her a wall for just enough. I knew not to put too much into it, but it was something.

Last weekend I got to check a box off the bucket list. I went to see the Orioles play at Wrigley field. I had a really good weekend, and I was in a really good place emotionally. Then things swung again.

My MIL was in town last week and wanted to have dinner with me. I am still pretty close with W parents and I was looking forward to seeing her. We talked about a bunch of things, including W and the divorce. MIL has no idea what is going on either, but we both agreed that we just need to let things play out and not push much. Or at least that is what I thought we decided on. As it turns out, MIL apparently went back and started talking to the W about everything and they got into a huge fight. The next day, W sends me an email accusing me of siccing her mother on her, and that she has tried to be civil about all of this and would appreciate the same. I really need family to stop trying to help me.

Every time I get to a place where I think I've made some progress, it seems like the bottom just drops out.