Thanks Atsbaby- I can use the positive reinforcement for sure!

I'm venting here so I don't do something stupid. For the first time since separation- we are having a pool party BBQ. Was H's suggestion. Includes neighbors and friends from H work- we used to do this almost every weekend. It includes our neighbor who was EA ( if you haven't read my thread much- I really like her- our kids are best friends).

I'm slightly tipsy, and feeling pretty frustrated. Was a big emotional mess this morning already after our talk yesterday.
Now seeing neighbor ( former EA) and her husband snuggling and reconnecting, also H's friends from work that are sort of my friends too being romantic. And I'm annoyed. Really? If you don't know what you want then fine- go figure it out. If it's easier to start over go for it- good f'n liuck. If it's not worth working on b/c it's too painful for you even though I've walked through the pain- fine. I'm ready to just find someone who doesn't run when it's hard.

I know that's probably not the absolute truth, and this is a tough situation given the get together, recent talks and current alcohol consumption. But it's where I'm at.

Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown