You asked me to drop by and take a look at your thread. One thing I want to warn you about is not making this all about winning her back. You are really focused on it, as obvious in your posts. Reconciling the M should be your hope, of course. Whenever so much effort, time, and attention is spent in getting the WAW back, then it is easy to fall back into those old comfortable patterns once she is back.
In the stories I remember of LBH'S who busted the divorce and then had to return to the board a second time........they all confessed they stopped working on themselves and the old behaviors returned. Even those who SWORE it would never happen b/c their changes were for no other reason but to improve themselves. Yet, in spite of claiming the changes were for life, they had to admit that once they won back the W, it was just to easy to slip backward.
I can understand, b/c it is the nature of the man. Just as many women try to look their very best before M, only for the man to see what she really looks like later.
I just don't want to see you showing up again.......after the M has been reconciled. It is important that you grow as an individual during this process. Turn some of that focus inward and challenge yourself a bit. Set some personal goals that have nothing to do with getting your W back home. Tell us what they are.
List the changes you are working on now. Not all directed toward the M, but rather improving yourself as a man. You know, just as some women can lose their identity b/c their lives are so inmeshed with their children......I have seen several SAHD who seem to do the same thing. In your attempts to take the burden off your W, perhaps you took too much. It's not easy for some of us to keep life well balanced.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
