Hi, Heather, these are really tough and important decisions you have coming, and it seems you are really being smart about this.
I'm sure there are smarter business people on this board than me. But what I do know is this:
You ABSOLUTELY DO have to ask for what you need. And, more importantly... (Since I believe you and I have so much in common with our old beliefs and head-trash)
DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ASKING FOR WHAT YOU NEED.
I read so many self-help books on communication, went through motions, and thought I was doing all I was supposed to.... But my internal beliefs, body language and/or tone communicated I didn't deserve what I was asking, and I would not get the results. It falls in line with "acting as if". I acted "as if" you know, gosh, I know you probably don't want to give me this, and I can compromise and accept less, and scrape by because I've done it before, and I need this more than you need me....
I don't mean to infer that you are AT ALL as meek as I use to be. You are the opposite, from what I've read, so I hope you don't read it that way. But the fact that you're questioning whether to ask for what you need to be comfortable and safe with your family, raises the issue in my opinion. Easy to fall back into that mindset when we are facing uncertainty.
You're not demanding to live in the Taj Mahal.
Go in with a negotiating approach. 1. Here is what we agree on (job is a good fit for both me and company for these reasons, x,y,z). 2. Here is where we are a little bit apart (what they're offering to move, what you and your family need to be comfortable). 3. Here is what I need, and some possible solutions that we can both live with. 4. Are you willing to work with me on this, etc.
You're on SUCH a good track. I'm following you closely and learning daily....
