You are spot on. I have made the decision to forgive but my mind and heart need to catch up with the decision that has been made. I know I need to give it time. However, I am someone that wants things rectified and let's Move forward! I'm working on this. I also feel like I'm putting so much weight on MC. I just don't want to be disappointed. We are at the point where H is spending every day at the house. I have told him I loved him this weekend after not having said it since March/April.
I am teetering the balance of eveything I have learned from DB (and so much more from DB I still have to learn). I don't want to get comfortable as revert back to old habits and to be honest I have caught myself going down a path and had to do a u turn. Especially with conflict and my delivery of the message. So I'm really working hard to remain cognizant of the things I do and can change.
The being appreciative of my H is probably something that will stick with me forever. I really realized it today that I didn't tell him or show him I was as much as I could have. This morning I woke up (he got up with the Boys and let me sleep in) went to the store and got the boat ready (a lot of work by the way) and basically I just had to show up. I invited a girlfriend and go figure she loved H (she's a friend from work that had never met him). I ended up with a really terrible migraine by the end of the day so he took care of dinner and drove to the store to get me medicine. I just love this man. Just trying to be realistic that hopefully his changes are genuine. My mom told me she cried today looking at H and I. He was just holding me while we were watching the boys play at the beach. She said she and my dad were just so happy to see me happy after these last 6 months of hell.
Ugh sorry I'm rambling. I can't sleep!
But thank you all and thank you sandi. I hope I find peace I know I will I just have to be okay with getting through every letter of the alphabet to get to the end without skipping some important letters
